in New single mums / mums struggling/ single mums

motherhood is making me miserable

I literally never thought I could say something like this and mean it. not just some passing thought. but truly. i’ve had two babies back to back with only a 6 month break, and no pregnant again. my oldest is almost two with possible autism spectrum disorder, and major tantrums with aggression, sleeplessness, defiance — life outside of home, and in it within my marriage, has not been easy, extremely difficult to be honest. I can’t take the powerlessness. Not wanting to damage my child or show her unhealthy behaviors or coping or self beliefs but I have been beyond gone since already a year and half ago. I’ve been considering adoption since finding out about my third baby. I’ve mentioned it to my husband reluctantly, already knowing his resistance. I just don’t think I can give them what they deserve. I’m still really unhealthy, mentally and physically. Facing major fibromyalgia and possible colon cancer diagnosis. I just can’t live in denial anymore I can’t live like this period

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You’re going through so much and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Only you know what’s best for you and your family, and I wish you the best for your health and recovery. Whatever you decide, have no regrets and be at peace with your decision.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this. Feeling miserable right now sounds like a perfectly sane response to your overwhelm. Can you contact a women's centre or other free/low cost service for counselling asap? With practical help if you're in the UK, Homestart are an organisation supporting families who might want support for any reason. People are volunteers and often parents/grandparents themselves. Is your oldest on the waiting list for an assessment? Perhaps one of the assessors for that could suggest support related to their behaviour while you're waiting. Could they go to nursery a couple times a week if not already to give you a little break? About your thoughts on adoption, you don't have to decide anything right now or until after the baby is born. Maybe for now concentrate on you and your family and then it might help you see more clearly what decision you feel is best for your third. Please try to talk to a trusted friend too xx

Rather than adoption, is a termination not an option? Oh, and get on decent contraception!

thank you all for your comments, empathy and words of guidance/advice. it really gives me a sense of relief just getting this out and knowing i’m not alone . . 🩵 i’m going to just keep taking it day by day. i’m working hard to pursue my best mental health. ultimately, i trust things will go the they’re supposed too.

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