Should you have the right to say no and be respected regardless if you’re married?

It’s not if you should, it’s that you do have the right to say no and be respected. Period.

Talk about cheating cuz he got told no? Hard pass. Coercion is not consent it's sexual assault

I would leave that’s guilt-tripping which is not okay to do. You have the right to say no and it has to be respected. If he can’t respect it he needs to get loss. This also wouldn’t fly considering I’m gonna assume you have children. It makes a whole can of worms. You have to make sure your kids know saying no is okay in general. No hugs no kisses those things. He’s an ass

You have the right to say no. If he doesn’t respect that, he’s a pos. If he cheats because of it, he’s a pos. If he tries to have sex with you anyway, that’s sexual assault and he is a pos. Marriage does not guarantee access to your body. If he thinks that, he doesn’t respect you as a human and is, once again, a pos.

This is coercive control on his part, and this is abuse. This is 100% not okay, ever!!! I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this with your husband, the person who is supposed to love and respect you - he is showing you very clearly that he does neither. I feel sad that his gaslighting has been so effective that you even need to ask this question here 😔 Please reach out to local DA resources for support, they are there to help in situations exactly like yours ❤️‍🩹

are you guys working on why you never want to have sex with him? I only ask because if there’s no end in sight and he’s expected to be left with his sexual frustration and rejection indefinitely, then that’s going to cause problems.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 I’m not sure why anyone would ever want to have sex with someone who refused to respect their choice of whether or not to have sex…. There’s nothing sexy or arousing about coercion 🤮

@Stacey 🇵🇸 I can tell you! He’s an asshole I have times where my libido is not doing its job My fiancé knows this he respects this he has a hand we even talked about getting a damn thing for him (pocket) if I’m not up for it. He’s never rude he doesn’t make me feel like shit for it and definitely would never cheat. It’s normal to have times of not wanting sex like pregnancy and such she should never feel ashamed for this

@Stacey 🇵🇸 you can only have that conversation with someone who is respectful of their partners right to say no. Not the situation described above which is manipulative.

@Rose what do you mean by DA?

Domestic abuse

He does have the right to get it somewhere else after yall break up first

He doesn’t get the right from someone else but he has the right to sex. And you saying you Never want to have sex.. are you implying that you would let your husband live for the rest of his marriage and life without sex? I mean marriage comes commitment and sex is one of it. Yes you can say no at times, but to say tou never want to offer him sex is kinda breaking a part of a marriage, at least let him go then and find someone that is on the same sexual interest as you

@Imane how am I to offer it when I have zero interest?

@incognito you don't. If he was interested in helping you want to have sex with him he'd have a heartfelt conversation with you vs coercion. Because this is coercion.

@Rose obviously. But my question centers the reason why this is even an issue in the first place? Maybe he did something terrible and it turned her off. Maybe her hormones are wild and she can’t find the desire to want him. Something must have triggered this. Regardless, a person can handle rejection only so many times until the couple goes to therapy, someone changes, or someone leaves.

@🩷 Patience 🩷 I don’t disagree with you but she’s saying that she never wants it. You’re talking about a pretty typical scenario. She’s taking about something more harmful. (Harmful to their relationship) If he did something or she’s going through something that’s making sex difficult, then it should be a conversation right? We can’t just reject our husbands and slam the door on intimacy without some kind of timeline or hope to repair.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 it doesn’t matter whether or not there was a trigger, the point is that he is being abusive - nothing can ever excuse that

@Stacey 🇵🇸 why are you giving excuses for someone blatantly abusing their partner?

@Reena how do we know he hasn’t tried to have this conversation before? That’s why I’m asking. When I hear a woman say that she never wants to have sex with her husband, I’m inclined to ask what happened and are they interested in finding a solution. No spouse is just going to live their lives being constantly rejected without reason, therapy, or some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 this is sounding an awful lot like victim blaming/shaming….

@Heather lol I’m simply asking a question.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 she never stated why she doesn’t want it. Stop assuming and victim blaming.

@🩷 Patience 🩷 I’m asking questions. That’s literally the opposite of assuming anything lol

@Rose where

@Stacey 🇵🇸 we don't know what has happened, what we have is a question based on some details and based on that detail given he's being manipulative.

@Reena you’re right. And I didn’t want to go all gung ho into a conversation without asking for some details.

I get what @Stacey 🇵🇸 is saying though. No he might not be handling it correctly, sure you could argue it's borderline abusive/etc but I also can see where his anger is coming from. I have a high sex drive, if my husband told me no every time I asked or initiated I would definitely feel this way and honestly if they didn't want to talk it through or work to find a middle ground I would probably want to go elsewhere too🤷🏼‍♀️

@Stacey 🇵🇸 I think the problem with your comment is that you haven't addressed the bad behaviour described but you've talked about his "frustration and rejection". You could have asked what has led to not wanting sex but you've gone straight to describing how the situation might be affecting him.

@Liv just because you don’t get what you want doesn’t give an excuse to cheat. Leave but don’t threaten cheating. That’s the issue here

@Reena I literally did by asking if they are “working on why she never wants to have sex with him” and “I’m inclined to ask what happened…etc” I’m not going to bust out the gate asking why she specifically doesn’t want to have sex with her husband.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 it was the centering of the husband and passing blame to the op in your line of questioning. "A person can handle rejection only so many times...." was the attempt to pass blame back onto op for "always turning him down" why do we need to question what led to the abuse when it's the abuse that is now happening?

@Heather my first question centered what the problem actually was by asking if this is something that is being worked on in the background. Saying “a person can handle rejection only so many times” was not an attempt to pass blame onto OP, it’s the truth and “always turning him down” was taken by her own post where she says she never has sex with him. I wasn’t exaggerating or using blameful language. Also to be clear- you’re right. I didn’t address the shit thing he said. I was just trying to work with a starting point.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 what Heather has said. You ask a question and then what follows are suggestions and excuses for his bad behaviour.

@Reena what excuses did I come up with? I came up with possible scenarios and none of them excuse his behavior. There is a difference between excusing and explaining and I wasn’t even going for all that- it was just examples of what could be going on behind the scenes. Everything I said was an open and empathetic question coming from a place of familiarity and respect. There was no blameful language, just simple questions.

Anyway ya’ll. The wine I’m having is beginning to reduce my focus and clarity so I’m tappin out. We have only so many more hours before morning 🥂

Please have a look at this info OP 💗 https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/

The ball should stay in the abusers court to fix this not the victim. Since he's the one abusing her, he should be figuring out some therapy asap. But suuuuuure. Let's question what led him to abuse her. 🤔

@Rose thank you!

@Heather thank you! I appreciate your support 🫶🏻

Yes you should and do respectfully, morally and legally have the right to say No to any sort of sexual advances/activity and be respected full stop. This continues into longer-term relationships/marriages. Can I ask if you are ok?

Ew he’s being weird?? I tell my fiancé to keep his meat stick away from me, he calles me vanilla, I flip him off and we go on about our day. And it’s all in a playful way?

@Sophie mentally and emotionally, no. Physically, yes.