How to kindly/ gently stop breastfeeding when being used as a dummy

My little boy is nearly 18 months old, underweight, has severe separation anxiety and still cluster feeds all night long. I truly don't mind the night feeds (he's still in my bed) I cannot get him in his own, so it's very convenient for us/ gives him extra calories in the night. He will not take a bottle really, and if he does it will be no more then 1/2 Oz. His separation anxiety is so bad ATM, that I can't even leave the room to go to the loo/ or cook dinner without him having a severe meltdown and the only thing that comforts him is putting him on the boob. I only have one working one as he was never able to latch properly, so one dried up. So I don't think I actually make masses and masses of milk. I'm getting to the stage now, with him crying and clawing at my top constantly that I'm starting to feel very frustrated/ over touched/ overstimulated. I think he mainly uses me as a dummy. I have always loved breastfeeding, and when he's not screaming at me, it's incredible, however he's having a lot of big emotions recently bless him. Has anyone had a similar journey to mine? I'm hesitant to stop because he's underweight (currently under a consultant at hospital) and I don't want to take away those calories, especially when he's not eaten much some days) I'm just feeling a bit deflated. This is all very rambly so apologies if I don't make sense x

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Hi! Have you tried to carry him in one of those? I had it for both of mine & it was life saver. My LG is the same - very clingy, doesn't want to let me go - also breastfeeding, but many times I noticed it isn't about hunger, but comfort. And in the bag she is close to me and happy. I carry her on my back around the house & I'm able to eat, have my work done etc.

I had a bit of a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding.

Can't help on weaning but my lo is similar on anxiety and I just take him with me to loo, narrate what I'm doing ask if he also can do a wee on the potty usually he does. I take that as a win which the sacrifice of my privacy is really worthwhile there! For cooking he's ok if he can watch me from a chair nearby using as a toddler tower. Sounds unsafe but he's v adept at climbing and it's been a month since he can climb onto chairs and I'm always watching as well. I have a lot of work surface in the kitchen so I'm lucky I can clear a big area and put some harmless things like wooden spoon and bowl for him to help with and keep anything dangerous 2 metres + away from him. It also works with washing up. You have my sympathies on the dummy mummy use. I've found it incredibly intense since mine turned 12 mo and realised how to open any of my clothes he's just been obsessed but there are periods where its been easier after teething has slightly eased.

I am holding onto advice that its possible to set limits on feeds after 18 mo as they will br able to understand why if you give simple reasons why they have to wait five minutes like you can't right now because you're cooking or going to the loo or getting dressed or getting him dressed. Could be worth a try? If you tell him to wait 5 mins and then he actually forgets then you dont have to offer again!

Thanks ladies. I have lots of different slings and do use them when I can. I too have a lot of work surface space and pop him on the side, but he just cries for me to hold him. He has been really poorly the past few weeks on and off and I think he is teething as well. But he just wants me to hold him all the time/ and be on the boob using me as a dummy. He's very behind with speech, he can't say any words yet, just babbles. Whilst he does understand a lot, I don't think he would understand if I explain what I'm doing etc xx

Well.... it looks like he really needs you now... I feel for you.... it's really hard. Is there someone who you can leave him with for a bit? You need rest & recharge. Once you are refreshed, you might get some idea...or at least regain the power to deal with it. It's not forever, it shall pass.... But it can feel very frustrating, you are not alone ❤️

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