Ex partner.

Not directly baby related so hope nobody minds this post. I’m due to have a baby with my current partner of 3.5 years in a few days time however I’ve still not told my ex partner, father to my teenage son (14) that I am pregnant and the simple reason being I’m too scared to. We were together for 10 years before separating 5 years ago and during that time he was awful, he was controlling and a abusive bully and still continues try and be that way now but as we barely have any contact due to him just communicating with my son it doesn’t affect me a great deal anymore. Him and my son are close and see each other regularly but he was always possessive over our son and I feared if he knew he was going to have a sibling with no direct links to him that he would completely fly off the handle and I just haven’t been able to face it due to a difficult pregnancy and not wanting to stress myself anymore, I was hoping my son would have mentioned it to him however he has not because he said he doesn’t think he dad will like it. I feel like such a coward and don’t know what to do in order to gain control of the situation because I don’t want my son to bare the burden of a secret sibling it’s honestly ridiculous. The whole situation is bizzare, he has a partner himself the same lady he cheated with 5 years ago yet she’s not a part of my sons life he keeps the relationships separate which I can’t get my head around either. Not sure what I’m looking for, I just feel miserable with it and dreading having my baby. Can’t talk to my current partner about it as he just gets cross and says he couldn’t give a hoot if he never finds out none of his business so that’s not much help.

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Sounds complex. You don't owe your ex any explanation. Focus on preparing to welcome the baby don't let your ex continue controlling you and ruin this beautiful time x

I wouldn’t worry and I wouldn’t bother . He may be part of your son’s life but that is all you share. And your partner is right, It has nothing to do with him to be honest , I wouldn’t lie if he asks but I would shrug it off like no big deal. I feel for your son that he can’t share anything becuase he feels his dad wouldn’t like it and he shouldn’t feel the need to keep it a secret from his dad. It’s a hard one, I think your son should let it slip one day, and if he doesn’t and the father finds out another way then you haven’t done anything wrong technically it’s your son who didn’t want to tell his dad.

@Sarah it is complex indeed and it really shouldn’t be. I will never understand his behaviour fully but I can’t deal with it in my current position either I just don’t want my son to feel burdened x

@Charlotte thank you for giving me some reassurance. I feel for my son too 😔 as he’s close with his dad but clearly recognises that he can be a difficult individual to navigate. I have no choice at this stage now but to focus on baby’s arrival and take it from there. Xx

Sorry to hear you’re in such a difficult situation lovely. As the other girls say he doesn’t need to know and you deserve to enjoy the pregnancy and arrival of your little one. But because this seems to really be difficult to stop thinking about, would there be a way of him knowing without it coming directly from you or your son? Like a friend or a family member? Just so you don’t have to worry or think anymore about you or your son “keeping a secret”. But again not that you have to at all! It’s your life and you deserve to enjoy it❤️

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