Schedule changes

4 month is so tricky I find for babies on schedules!! We just got into a good routine for the past month or so and I read online it’s always changing at this stage until their 6 months. Anyway while we’re here…how do you navigate social outings or baby groups to fit around schedule ? For example my baby sleeps 1115-1245 every day so what would you do if you had a group at 12 for example? Also desperately trying (and failing) to move bedtime for absolute weeks and it just doesn’t work for me. Usually go down at 9pm, falls asleep no issues (apart from the odd night where there’s a false start). If you try 8pm or 830pm it doesn’t work it just results in crying for hours… Moved it from 10pm to 9pm but that’s taken about 6 weeks!! Getting up for day between 730-0830am. Nap times is between 3-5hrs a day. If she wakes up from last nap at 18, 1830 or 19 she will go to sleep for 9pm so I am guessing I need to not let her nap past 17? But I will say, whenever I’ve tried that in the past it just doesn’t work, she treats “bedtime” like another nap and we have a routine and everything. Or should I just not bother and let it fall into place naturally with time? Just longing for a little bit of adult time in the evening - feel like I don’t even see my husband as I’m currently going to bed with baby.