Angry as a mother

So I’ve never really hard anger issues I guess you could say. I’ve had a traumatic life but I never really found myself getting angry and yelling. However, ever since I have my second child (2 years old and 6 months) I have become such an angry person and I really don’t like it. We sleep so bad because him and my toddler can be such terrible sleepers some nights but mostly him. I just find myself waking up already in such a bad mood, I’ve screamed a few times and I’m not proud of it at all. I barely recognize myself anymore, I’m so ashamed but I just keep finding my temper boiling up for no reason. I think I’m just so burnt out, we really don’t have any help from family unfortunately so it’s just on me and my husband.

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I'm here with you. Same. Its really hard.

Hi Sarah, that sounds so so difficult. But you’re not alone ❤️ Sometimes childhood trauma can manifest as being triggered from our children’s behavior. For example, if someone was scolded as a child to be quiet and never cry or show too many emotions, seeing those behaviors in their child can become a trigger, causing anxiety or shouting at their children. Unfortunately it’s pretty common. However, since this is a new phenomenon for you and didn’t occur with your first, have you considered that you might have postpartum depression? PPD is also fairly common and can start any time within the first year after giving birth. Based on your description, it sounds like this might be a possibility. I would consult with your primary doctor. There are medications you can take to help you overcome it. It’s hard to recognize it in yourself, but it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault, you’re doing an amazing job, you’re an amazing mama, you’re supported and you’re not alone ❤️

Try reading or listening to the book “Mom Rage” I’m definitely also going through this and my therapist recommended. First 100 pages made me angrier honestly because it justifies it with documented research as to why. Not having the support you need sucks and you don’t know how much you’re going to need until you’re in crisis. As another mom of 2 under 2; yes, it’s real and I get it.

I’ve had awful rage since having my first in 2021.

I heard somewhere that anger/ rage is the bodies #1 indicator to let you know what’s wrong, but it’s up to the other emotional centers to actually address it. That helped me so much since I just felt like a monster and hated being angry. It helped me learn how to appreciate it and address it differently. I got DCF called on me (nothing happened) because my rage and screaming was so bad towards my ex husband (who has since apologized and we are actually working together again as healthy co parents) I hate to say it, but it’s what I needed to make a hard change and take my kids to live with me at my moms and recover. I went from screaming (as a coping mechanism—not at anyone) once a week to maybe once every few months.

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