Advice needed

I hope it’s okay to post on here. I’m not black, I’m white but my daughter is mixed race, half Caribbean and half British. Unfortunately her dad did not want to be in her life so she does not know her dad or his side of the family. Tonight broke my heart, I caught her looking in the mirror crying and when I asked what was wrong she said to me she wishes she was white and she hates her skin colour 😢 unfortunately we live in a predominantly white area and her school does not have any black children and only 5 mix race children in the whole entire school. She is so beautiful and I tell her all the time but I will never understand how she is feeling, what can I do ? I’ve thought about doing a culture day for her and her friends and I am currently searching Afro Caribbean hair stylists. I taught myself to cainrow and maintain her hair but I thought it might be nice for her to get it done professionally, I just want to know what else I can do to help her understand and love herself and to see herself how I see her.

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Hi really sorry you are going through this . As mothers we want our children to feel happy and secure in their image. Mostly importantly we want to them to feel affirmed . It sounds like you have done a great job and tried your best . It’s very difficult like you said when she does not see many people that look like her because beauty standards are so different dependent on where you are and sometimes a certain image that could be perceived as beautiful is something she does not see herself in and that’s very difficult for her to feel comfortable in her own skin . There is no simple answer to this but I would suggest Building Confidence & Identity Affirm her Identity at Home this could be through culture traditions, books , music. Where are you based ? Getting more involved in a community this could be online who share their background again not sure of age and appropriateness but just a suggestion Last continue to encourage open conversations around this topic.

The above very cover what i was going to say. My girl went through this phase as she is mixed too. Definitely continue to remind her always that she is one of kind, and I will say chat with her if anything is happening outside or school that you may not be aware of My girl went through a phase she hated her skin colour her hair etc simply because other kids were making fun of her afro , skin colour etc I continue to remind her nothing is wrong with her skin hair etc. we watch lot of tv programmes which are more inclusive.

Hey hun , i had a similar issue ! I think it starts from home they say you become a product of your environment I'd suggest putting on shows of children who Look like her reading books with children who looks like her affirmations book /words . Although you've not got her fathers side try to embrace the Caribbean culture in ways so she knows both cultures and her full identity All the best 🙌🏾

Thank you all for your advice I really appreciate it ❤️ my current partner is mix race also and we have a little boy together, but he is very very light skin with blue eyes as he takes after me more so I think that is also hard for her too, but it is nice as my partner is her dad and has been in her life since she was 2 years old so she has that bond with him and he has been through the same in his life, we live in a rural part of Essex.. but where we have moved to is not very accepting at all I wish we had done more research and thought about it more, I’m hoping with all the new estates being built it will become a town with more ethnicity and diversity. But again thank you all for the advice it’s appreciated ❤️

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