Am I normal to feel this way?
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@Lucy Thank you. I do love my family unconditionally but just don’t feel much of a connection that’s all. And I’ve tried so hard to get us all together but we are dysfunctional unfortunately I guess I just think as a parent your job is to always be there for your kids no matter what age they are and I see other people and how they are with their mums and family and it makes me realise mine isn’t the same and although I’m independent there will be times I need help (like after having a baby or an operation) and I feel no one from my family is really there 🥲
I understand that. Sometimes when people say "oooh it takes a village", I'd be thinking WHERE'S MY BLOODY VILLAGE. Especially when friends had their mums to stay as soon as they were home from hospital. It's tough to see others with such a massive support network when you know you'll be in the trenches with your partner and making the best of it! Just know that you're doing an incredible job already. And even more credit to you that you don't speak harshly of your family; you just wish things were different. In my opinion you are already streets ahead of them in that respect. Sending love and support your way. Keep going. Your observations and emotional maturity will get you where you need to be and your children are lucky to have you.
I feel this. No advice except that you’re not alone. Keep being a good mom. Do everything you wish your mom had done. I find it rather healing to give my son the life I never had. I cried when he had his first swimming lesson. Because I never had those. We couldn’t afford them (parents were heavy drug and alcohol abusers who spent money on that instead of us three kids). But he gets to do them. Because I will always put his needs before my own.
You sound incredibly self-aware and emotionally observant. The way we've been brought up obviously does play a part in how we behave etc..but it doesn't necessarily need to reflect who we are as people; the real soul of what we're about. You've already picked up on traits that you dislike about your family and are keen not to replicate them within your own children's lives. That's WAY more than most people recognise! You are not who raised you. You've got your own brain and set of values and you need to lean into that. Also, it's fine to lower your expectations of what your family are able to offer you in terms of support. Put boundaries in place and perhaps stop expecting a certain level of kindness and support from them, because it sounds like you're going to be disappointed. Sometimes our family ends up being the people who are there to help us when things are difficult and who share our values and love being in our company even when times are really tricky. It's not necessarily blood that binds us.