Has anyone successfully done this…

I don’t want to be with my child’s father since pregnancy tbh it’s been toxic to say the least. Background: I have children from previous relationship who see their dad a lot we co parent (very amicably too - no arguments etc) as evenly as possible even though it breaks my heart not seeing them everyday and having to ‘share’ them. To the present, nothing has changed tbh it only gets worse, I’m not happy and he has emotionally hurt me many times and can be spiteful and nasty. The only thing stopping me from leaving right now is I can not bear to not see my baby and let him take him. He often threatens to take him so I do not trust him. I know people will say I’m being bitter etc and I believe that women like that are wrong (me and the other kids dad have never ever had any dispute over that I actually encourage him to see them more - but he has never behaved the way this man does) can I manage to ‘stay’ with this man pretending to be happy just so I can make sure I can see my baby everyday? To me at the moment seems the better option. I feel like I would rather suffer in that way, than suffer from losing time with him.

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Also I feel like it wouldn’t be as toxic as I have emotionally switched off from this relationship so he wouldn’t be able to trigger anything

Tbh you need start making him respect you and create healthy boundaries. Love and feelings for someone are based upon emotions so i took the emotions out and started being logical with him, speaking’s what’s on my mind but in a positive manner for him to receive the message etc, started splitting expense in half and half once he noticed i treated him as a business then the relationship changed

You don’t want your child seeing you stay and the toxic dynamic just to grow up and think it’s ok/normal or acceptable.

@Monae I feel like I have sort of tried this, tbh we split most things already but I spend more as I pay for everything for my older children. He often tells me to ‘fuck off’ fuck you’ and very derogatory things when we argue such as if I ask him to leave me alone and not speak to me because I don’t want to argue he will say things ‘fine I will leave you, then you can go get fucked from behind’ and similar usually referring to me with other men (which is not something that has happened or I have expressed to wish to happen so I’m not sure why he even says those unless it’s just to try to hurt my feelings and/or get a reaction? But I’m fed up of it. He will say things like he doesn’t care, he couldn’t care if I got fucked on our bed right now. Tbh all in all the whole thing has made me not want to be sexual much at all and if we broke up it’s the last thing I would be looking for. He is also a lot worse and nastier if we haven’t had sex much but after it all he will tell me to ignore..

..what he says when he is angry as he doesn’t mean it and his love for me outweighs everything. But at this point I don’t care if he means it or not I’m just sick of hearing it.

He has also said these things infront of the 1 year old..and I have said a thousand times I hate it.. it’s not fair on his innocent little brain to be corrupted his vile insults

@Jessica I know, but if I can get to a point where there is no argument because I just don’t care anymore, would it be less toxic for everyone else even if it means I’m unhappy under the surface. I’m quite good at hiding it, none of my family or friends have any idea about anything and there is honestly so much more to it but they think I’m so lucky I’ve found a ‘good one’ and that I’m happy 😞

I “stayed for the kids” and honey it only got worse! I would start keeping evidence of EVERYTHING, plot your exit, and go for full custody. I don’t coparent with my ex, and it’s not because I’m a bitter BM/ex wife, it’s because he is dangerous, toxic and eventually his target wasn’t just me, but our sons. It was 12 years of hell and a lot of therapy TO THIS DAY to unravel that decision to try and make it work.

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