Would you leave your partner over lying even if it was about something somewhat stupid like porn?

To me this isn't about the porn. It's about the resentment and mistrust you have. It doesn't matter what he was lying about. Me saying porn is no big deal (to me, in my marriage, to plenty of other people etc) doesn't change the hurt you're experiencing, because to you, it IS a big deal. How long has he "changed" for? Are you doing therapy for yourself since you feel like you can't move on? How is your relationship otherwise?

@Raqi I get that. To some it’s not a big deal but I went through a pretty traumatic relationship before him where he was a sex addict and physically cheated too. We just started like a month ago he’s going individually, I’m going, we’re going to couples. But the therapist just keeps asking me what can be done or what he can do to make me feel better or how I can move on and I think I want to. I don’t want to break our family up over it but I literally have no fucking idea how. It makes me feel like crap knowing I took all this shit and that he’s seen me cry or be angry so many times over this. And I wonder what else he’s capable of or when the next time he’s going to betray me. Does he even love me idk I’m tired of all the paranoia

My therapist thinks I’m problematic. I’m under the impression she thinks I have too high of expectations for people because it’s something we talked about. But I don’t think I do really. Our relationship is just ok otherwise. I think this has affected everything. The fun. The sex. Like so many aspects

In relationships it’s important to learn to forgive…forgiveness is a key part of love because we are all human and make mistakes…even forgive ourselves…we have to remember the things we done wrong as well …even forgive that person if they don’t try to make it right or still trying to hurt you because forgiveness gives you peace and freedom to let all of that go…bitterness is not self love…forgiveness is sooo hard but it’s apart of your relationship with yourself and your relationships with others and God if you believe in God, but if not the principle still applies…forgive and heal and move forward for yourself and if in fact your man still is in therapy trying to make everything right have compassion on him and mercy because he is human too and trying to heal…I pray the best for the both of you

If you can’t get over it and forgive it it’s probably best to let go all together you cant force yourself to like him again

This is definitely not about porn. It sounds like you have some issues that you need to work through involving jealousy, mistrust, and possibly some resentment. You have asked your husband to work on himself, but you need to do the same in order to be a better partner.

@Yasmina is not personally religious but I do agree that forgiveness is important. I’m trying to work on it I really am. I tell myself it’s for me more but I do think it would work viciously help the situation if I could forgive this. It’s just I’ve tried so many times and the first time was enough. Thank you!

@Karla that’s what I keen going back and forth on. If it can get better or not.

@Megan I agree to an extent. I know I have all those issues. And I really am trying to work on them now. I just still can’t feel like he’s in the right either since I caught him lying so many times since the beginning. Because I have not lied to him

People tend to hide/lie about parts of themselves they've been made to feel shame, not excusing him, but maybe giving you more perspective. It seems like you also need individual therapy. Working through your issues from your previous relationship is key in order to reach some compromise. The fact that he's doing both can only help you guys fix things. Im reading "Forgiving what you cant forget" check it out it might help.

@RoRoThank you I will check it out

Yes you don’t have to be religious, but forgiveness is a spiritual concept rooted in love…the power to forgive and be free from the hurt and pain because you are extremely worthy of that…Forgiveness and healing is a process…Its good that you are really trying and if at some point you decide to leave just know that forgiving him will only set you free…I had to learn to forgive after so much trauma and it’s the hardest thing but spiritually I started to see them before they were hurt and before all of their pain and know the human condition is sometimes a terrible one because we can make horrible decisions and hurt ourselves and others knowingly or unknowingly…we all fall short so I say that to you maybe you can consider that he is struggling mentally emotionally and maybe has an addiction to porn…addiction arises from a emotional spiritual void that one chooses something to fill that void but will need more and more of it…give yourself grace since you are healing too