What is wrong with me?

I’m 8 months PP and i’m still struggling bad. I had health anxiety before I was pregnant, but its just a whole new level now. I worry about every little thing my baby does. I spend hours googling about things, convincing myself theres something wrong. I have no village, which isn’t helping. I’m so lonely that my thoughts just take over. I spend any spare time I have just scrolling on my phone. I have no motivation to do anything and just sit, counting down until my partner gets home and takes over. I find i get angry and overwhelmed alot. If my baby cries for more than a couple of minutes, i can feel myself getting frustrated. I don’t know whats normal anymore, i have nobody to share experiences with and compare. I just feel like i’m not doing a good job at being a mum anymore, i don’t think i ever have really. I love her so much, but she deserves a mum that can be what she needs. I never thought i’d find it all this hard, but its so much harder than I ever imagined.

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Try not to be so hard on yourself. Is this your first baby? Maybe talk to your partner about how you feel. Do you get out much. I'm a ftm and have also found it harder than I thought it would be and a bit isolating sometimes. Feel free to message for a chat/rant x

I can relate to this, I've always struggled with anxiety and have found motherhood can take it to a new level. The googling and scrolling is one of my worst things too. Can you get in contact with the health visitors, they can put a referral through to get some therapy if you wanted to try that. As a new mother you will be higher up on the list, or at least that's how it works where I am. Maybe when you feel yourself getting into that space of wanting to scroll can you get out for a walk to distract yourself or put some music on and dance with baby. Getting out to groups helps too if you can. You are not alone and you can get through this x

Please know that the very fact that you’re worrying about being a good mum means you already are one 😘 it’s so so tough, especially without a village. As others have said, it might be worth trying to get some help with the anxiety. Also I promise you’ll feel better if you get out of the house, even just a little walk with the pushchair x

I’ve had therapy already and it didn’t seem to do anything for me. Most of my anxiety centers around my baby getting ill (i know this is a fact of life) but it terrifies me. So the thought of baby groups just overwhelm me, knowing that there will be germs there. I wish I didn’t feel like this because i feel like i’m harming her more than keeping her safe. We do go out for walks, to the shops etc but as soon as i’m home, i just feel the same. Xx

Hey! Happy for you to message me if you like. I’ve suffered with extreme ocd for over 10 years. It sounds like that’s what you’re experiencing. It’s worth contacting your gp and requesting specific CBT therapy x

Hey, I also suffer extreme health anxiety and OCD, PTSD and panic disorder, my baby is currently teething, going through sleep regression or has a viral at the moment but in my mind he has RSV, meningitis, something stuck in his lungs or his crying is going to make him fatally choke logically I know it’s one of the milder things above but my brain tells me it’s worse, it’s awful to live with but just know you are not alone and you are doing one hell of an awesome job even when it doesn’t feel like it!! You show up for your baby everyday on your worst days and you are always there for a cuddle that makes you the best mum for your baby 🥰

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