Hyper fixation causing severe distress

Mine was obsessed with YouTube on my phone and having big tantrums for taking the phone. I was switching off my phone and tell him the phone is broken and he asked for a few days “ mommy can I watch on your phone … oh I can’t it’s broken and daddy will need to fix it “ and now after 2 months for him it’s still “ broken” 😅, he is now obsessed with Elmer the patchwork elephant book stories that I bought the entire collection. I think you should hide them for a while….

I wouldn't. But that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong.. idk. Are there certain ones that are favorites? Maybe a spider stuffy he can just have nearby and carry around for comfort 🤔 then you can pay less attention to those related items by adding in other things that he may like as well... Obsessions will probably always be a thing but they slow down, shift to something new, or stop all together periodically. I would worry about the distress it would cause to remove them.. also he will Maybe learn to guard them more closely and other items he cares for in fear that his things will unexpectedly go away. Which is probably borderline traumatic. Yet again Maybe I'm wrong these are just my thoughts

My daughter started w elmo and a blanket. It was a huge obsession for her to have them 24/7 and really stressful for me ngl. If we got in the car and forgot one in a rush it felt like the end of the world... slowly she chilled out tho as she got older. I would promise they were right where we left them or that the washing machine was fun and they would be out so soon ect. Eventually it switched to barbies but was less severe. I think age and understanding object premenace helps w these things

Only gonna say from my own experience as a child. Don’t take it away. I had a sheep who was HUGE twice the size of me as a kid. I called her sheepy. I went everywhere with this thing. I slept with it my mom got it for me when I was a baby and I just couldn’t let it go. I was super obsessed with it. Then we moved. My dad put it in the shed of the house we were moving from. I remember screaming and crying because my sheepy was gone. Heartbreaking. I still have times where I search to see if I can find the exact sheep online 😭 I can’t find anything like it. It was something that brought me comfort. Stability as a child. Something I know I had no matter what. My best friend. Honestly I’d get him a stuffed spider to bring with him try and transition him to that so he can sleep with it and all for comfort. He may just be one of those kids that are really obsessed with spiders and insects and that’s a really cool passion!

But if it is causing severe anxiety even after a stuffy I would talk to your doctor. (I just realized this was autism parent support group I don’t have an autistic child myself so I’m sorry I didn’t realize 😭 I hope it still helps though!)

@Geana thank you, I don’t feel so bad now. He is too and we cast it to the tv but he’ll demand a certain color itsy and then doesn’t like it 5 seconds later, then demands a different color. If I don’t do it fast enough or tell him tv time is over he throws himself on the floor and tries to bang his head. It was out of control so now we are only allowing certain shows other than itsy and we’ll only sing it if he wants to hear it but only twice. That part is actually going surprisingly well considering how addicted to it he was

@ren you’re not wrong, that’s what our behavior therapist thinks as well and everything online too. But I don’t think they understand how debilitating it can be for him. We’re talking a few hours of meltdowns. We also just had another baby though and that’s when the obsessive behaviors got so much worse so I’ve been allowing it so he doesn’t think the baby is the reason we can’t watch it non stop or throw spiders everywhere etc. I’m not thinking permanently getting rid of them but more so just a break to weaken the attachment. I kept out his big fluffy stuffed spiders and itsy books but he had like 50 small plastic spiders and keeps demanding more or throwing them if he gets mad about something.

@ren thank you, that gives me hope. He’s the same with spiders. I’m really hoping it fizzles out. He still has a lot of other interests but this one consumes him on a daily basis to where he refuses to eat, bangs head, etc

@🩷 Patience 🩷 thank you for that! He has a stuffed spider that he loves that I kept out for now. I’m hoping that will satisfy that need. I’m not getting rid of the rest but I do think it’s time for a break. I have a similar experience from my childhood also and it was really traumatic for me too. My mom sold my horse while I was at school and I remember sobbing for weeks. I don’t want to be like that and change but at the same time his meltdowns over spiders are starting to bring out the worst in me. It is a cool passion and I support it which is why he has so many spider toys and even a big collecting kit but that also makes me part of the problem lol ugh

You’re a good mom! Maybe take a week and see if it settles if not I’d come back and reevaluate the situation! Best of luck♥️

Trust your instincts and signs from him as the process goes. Sometimes it comes down to just having to try different ideas or plans and playing it by ear. You got this 🫶

My son turned 2 December 2024….is obsessed with the moon, planets, cars, and music. He wakes up out of his sleep, and the first thing he says in the morning is, “Moon, sun, sun, moon.” For the past year, he used to watch solar system videos nonstop all day. Now, it’s a little less, and he’s started watching different things, but everything still revolves around planets, round objects, balls, circles, and spinning things. It’s part of his autism and a form of stimming. As hard as I find it to cope with some of these things, I don’t try to change them or push him to change unless it’s something that could actually harm him. If this is what gives him comfort, then I’m going to support him. He is, after all, different—and that’s okay.

And I forgot to mention he has major meltdowns recently the gone on for hours…. for those, I just have certain toys or things he hasn’t seen and then I’m able to pull those out. Try to eventually calm him. It’s very hard so hugs to you mama. But I was evaluated before and I have OCD and I’m pretty sure he has OCD. He has anxiety as well. Lotta things make him anxious and if he’s obsessing over something, it can cause anxiety as well… but his doctor told me I have to do what I think helps him and helps me live so.

@Maryia I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I definitely agree if the hyper fixation is calming for them and brings happiness to foster it, as I have. However as of lately I see more harm than good coming from it. Especially the head banging on the floor to the point he gets bruises, I try to stop it before it happens but his mood will switch so fast even if it’s just the wrong color spider that pops up on the tv. I also have bipolar 1 and although I know he’s too young to tell I see a lot of myself in him as well in that regard. I know before I’ve had manic episodes with obsessions like reading the Bible, during covid it was reading about diseases and cdc website, to the point where it will bring up so much distress. I just don’t want it to get to that point and allow it in smaller increments so it’s not a full blown obsession that causes harm.

@ren thank you ♥️

A few questions; 1. Does he get one on one time with you, Dad, and both of you together? 2. How do you handle the tantrums?

@Hannah usually alone time with me since I’m a stay at home mom. Dad in the evenings but more recently as he’s taking time off work. We also all play together too when new baby is sleeping. If he isn’t self harming I try to pacify the crying and keep calm, offer his pacifier, hugs. Then try to figure out the need, if he’s hungry, thirst, tired, etc. He used to bounce back really quickly, within 20 seconds. Now with new baby takes much longer and he’ll be happy and then another outburst shortly after. If he’s hitting his head I’ll either get on the floor with him and hold him to prevent injury or if we’re on the sofa or bed I’ll let him hit his head on something soft. Any advice/ suggestions?

Well, you have already got special time with him covered 🙃 With the meltdowns. My advice is to acknowledge his feelings, assure him you are there, ensure he is in a safe space, and then ignore him. When he has calmed down, then he can get cuddles, and his feelings acknowledged again. By ignoring him, you aren't drawing attention to the behaviour, and you are allowing him the opportunity to work through his feelings on his own. It is very common for children to struggle and regress in certain areas when a new sibling arrives or there is another major change in their life. Encourage him also to help with the baby in the ways he can and avoid saying things that make things about the baby. For Eg, ask him to pick a book for you to read when baby is asleep or he can choose the baby's sleep wrap or clothes for the day. It makes him feel included, and it's about all of you or him, not just the baby. In regards to the spiders, I would also pack some away and leave some out, like you have...

Incorporate them into other activities: water play, play dough, drawing, painting, bath time. But also include other things and limit how many are involved. For Eg, some insects for painting, a collection of random things for playdough like sticks, leaves, spiders, etc, bath time can be rubber ducks, boats, and spiders. Try and switch it so the spiders are there, but they aren't the focus of the activity. My son also has obsessions and meltdowns. It's hard. If you haven't already, I'd mention this to his Paediatrician. It helps in getting him assessed and diagnosed if he isn't already. I'm not saying he does have autism but if it's a concern, definitely mention it. You've got this mumma!

@Hannah thank you so much for the great advice! I really appreciate you going into detail and I’ll implement into our routine. He has scored high risk on the mchat and we had a screening last week for autism but we were unable to finish the interview due to behavior. We have been doing behavioral therapy through the regional center since last summer though and we started speech therapy 3 months ago. I was seeing a ton of improvement but then multiple regressions. Some days are great though, others still really hard. We’ll start ABA as soon as he gets a little more adjusted to having a baby brother. We tried but the days the therapist came to the house he was having non stop meltdowns the rest of the day. People other than our immediate family make him nervous now and that wasn’t an issue before. I’m pretty certain he is on the spectrum though just based off what I’ve read and my observations. Thank you again, I’m really new to this and need all the help I can get. Good luck to u too ♥️

You are an amazing mum, and you are doing the best you can. It's hard, but you'll all get through this. My son is in speech therapy, occupational therapy, and we may be looking into behavioural therapy. It's hard, it's exhausting, it's emotionally and mentally draining, but I wouldn't change my son for the world. Hearing his laugh, seeing him smile, hearing his little voice, having snuggles, and hearing him say "mummy," it makes everything worth it. Feel free to DM me if you ever need to chat 💗

@Hannah yes absolutely, I feel the same way! Thank you for that, I will message you 🥰