My MIL 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’m Sorry it’s long

Personally I'd let him handle all communication from now on. Maybe he gave the impression this was all your idea and he isn't on board with it. He needs to tell her bluntly that this is what you decided together and she needs to respect it. If they decide to go out of town then oh well. That's on them.

You should have no issue in letting Pele know that when you are ready and used to such a life change, you’ll let them know and you simply don’t want to feel committed to hosting or being present. You have no idea what both you will have yet, the recovery, the type of baby you’ll have in terms of behaviour and needs, you’ll have commitments to midwife/health worker etc and your own sleep/feeding schedule. Be kind, which you are, but please don’t feel bad about sensible boundaries. x

Honestly there’s just something about having a baby that makes some to be grandmas crazy (I think especially from the fathers side because they FEEL left out- not because they are) I had something similar happen in that the same day I had my daughter my MIL texted her entire family saying that I was keeping them from coming up there to meet her 🙄 (The hospital still had rules that nobody could visit until we were moved to the recovery unit and I had to be on medication 24 hours after delivery) and had her aunt text my husband that I shouldn’t be able to keep them from HIS child 🙃 It’s just their own insecurities coming out that they’re projecting on to you, hopefully like it did in my case the crazy will calm down once the baby settles in. Don’t take it personally though, it really has nothing to do with you and is just her trying to manipulate the situation

OK so there's some stuff to unpack here! Naturally she wants to support him as her child which I get. But the attitude is not right, especially from a woman who has given birth before and knows that time is needed to recover (and that you'll be doing the recovering) on little sleep and adjusting to having a small person to look after. I agree with Rachel that all communication should go through him from now on, and he needs to reiterate the point of visiting needs and other boundaries. He can provide them with written rules if it helps! But he needs to be on board. I wouldn't communicate with them at least for now as it's below you right now and you don't need the hassle

Also I don't agree to not taking baby as 'punishment' but if they are going to make you feel bad about boundaries, and spoil this special time for you then yes husband should let them know and you should avoid visiting until they can be better for you

You said you want the first 2 weeks bonding then followed with your family are coming to see the baby for the first few days. You said you don’t want to be overwhelmed with visitors but want to have your parents and sister there so it does sound a bit unfair. If you want to set boundaries, they have to be for everyone, not just his family, so I can see why she would feel that way 🤷‍♀️

@Mama A but also, her family is coming to help and are staying in a hotel. She said her mil is having surgery and won't be able to drive so they are taking the baby to her. I think that's more than generous.

Urgh she wants it all to be about her huh. You just can’t please some people. It’s even absurd that they expect you to decide all of this before baby is here. Maybe you just want to have the baby then see how you feel and honestly they should all be patient and accepting of that.

I clicked the wrong this while scrolling(1st 1) but I’ve had a family member like her. I honestly vented to my man about it and slowly let it go. I wasn’t going to stress myself out about what I wanted and how they wanted things done. You were nice about it and stopped by so she should’ve appreciated it.

These type of people are looking for their best interest, if they can’t understand or respect your decisions, they will never respect your family. I had to cut my MIL off for this exact reason. Hopefully it can be resolved but I wouldn’t continue to give her chances after chances just because she’s in relation to your baby. The call usually comes from in the house. Trust your instincts.

I have a very complicated mother-in-law myself so I understand this so deeply and I'm actually pregnant with her second grandchild and I completely understand the conniving behavior I feel like mother-in-law's get jealous I would just have a conversation with your man and have him communicate to her that's what I do at this point because there's no point in me confronting her she doesn't do well with confrontation at all I always get just stonewalled lol it's really bad.

I don’t get what she’s actually expecting from you? To go there directly from the hospital? Just stick to your original plan. She can FaceTime her son.

Hi your so nice for even leaving your place to go visit her after you just gave birth , I would Focus on you baby and hubby they can FaceTime or see baby Ina. Few weeks months . She probably a little Bitter and took offense to your boundaries , not your fault

Up to you entirely. I believe no one should be around a newborn who is not there to directly support mom and dad. Especially mom. The baby only needs their parents. Mom needs a "village" of support baby needs mom. Follow your heart and gut with this. Stick to yourself.

I didn't let anyone see my 1st baby for the first 3 weeks. Second one was born in 2020, so no one could see the baby anyway. But your baby, your rules! I wouldn't take baby anywhere for the first few weeks.