Advice please
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@Bay both uk but there’s 11 hour travel between us
So he has a job there I presume, but you’re willing to take baby away from him because you want to live with your fanily? Why would you have a baby with him then? I’d be upset if my partner took my child 11 hours away because he ‘never said he would stay here’. You’ve got to make sacrifices and I completely get needing support, but to take a child from their father and ‘offer’ them only a period of time…sorry but I think he’s right to be upset. I’d be really upset
@Alena no he works remote, so he can do it anywhere. I didn’t say live with my family, I would be going back to birth my baby for my own support system to be surrounding me. We both agreed that me coming to his home town was temporary, but it’s already been a year now and we’re no closer to getting a house of our own. We live with his mum, so there’s no privacy here, which adds to my reason of going home. For myself I have autism and I don’t find it easy meeting and getting along with new people, whereas my partner is very outgoing and extremely extroverted, so the location doesn’t make as much of a difference to him. There would also be monthly visits back to his home town as a family but he’s welcome to come back whenever, but our home would be where I choose to reside. I have a big family full of kids of young ages whereas he doesn’t, so my child would also be missing out on growing up with people of his age group if I stay… which then isn’t a fair thing to take away from my baby.
What there’s no other children at all where he lives? Yes if he can do it remotely then it’s fair he goes over if you need support.
No children in the neighbourhood that I or his family speak with, nor does he have any in his family. So up until nursery our baby would only have myself and his father, even though both of us grew up with people of our own age group (from babies). I would just like to offer the same upbringing I had, in a healthy, clean & safe environment, which is why the 3 year deal is on the table. He has things he wants to do at home before he commits to moving away, so the given time frame gives him way more than enough time to do so. I’ve also not said that going back to my hometown is forever either but once the baby is at nursery I have things I would like to achieve
He might just be hesitant about being displaced from his/ his mom's home for a long while. Had he stayed in your hometown for a long time before? I understand why you'd want to go back to your family's home for the help as newborn trenches are tough to get through I had my mom & sister to help & I know we would've been lost & way more stressed without them! Has he given a range of time he's more comfortable with? Like not 2 months but 1 month instead?
But if that’s the case then when would our family be priority over his sense of comfort with his mum? Everyone have to leave eventually. & yes exactly, I’m already struggling and I don’t think it’s going to get any easier once babies here so having my own support is absolutely vital. It’s less him worrying about time away and more his mum not wanting him to leave her that long - so I will talk with him and we get on the same page then his mum asks him about it and convinces him it’s not a good idea to stay away for so long for whatever reason
@Taylor ^
well, where are you both from?