Advice on coparenting

Have you spoken to your ex partner and let him know how you feel about it ?

How old is the child? Can they speak and understand? I think with this your personal feelings are getting in the way. If there are no safeguarding concerns regarding his partner, he is allowed to decide who can be around the child in his time including picking up/dropping off - same would go for you too. 6 months is a reasonable time to be with someone. What makes you uncomfortable about her?

Nothing makes me uncomfortable, it’s the fact that someone else would be facilitating the 50/50 arrangement. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if he was looking after him in that 50/50 time. Roles reversed, I’m not sure he would be happy if he were the primary care giver and I was asking for 50/50 facilitated by someone else lookingg after our son. He’s 3 years old.

I personally don’t think 6 months is long enough to be trusting someone with your kids either. I’d feel the same, if your coparent or their blood relatives can’t facilitate the pickups/dropoffs then that’s their own issue to sort, not delegate to someone they’ve known 6 months

@Jo that’s what I think. It’s hard though because it’ll seem I’m being difficult, but that’s not my Intention. It’s about whether they’ll be together longer term, and when do I decide to trust this person to look after him on their own. I wouldn’t roles reversed, but what time period do you work to.

Is there a cao? Because in the courts views, it is upto that parent to make arrangements if they are unable to- therefore sourcing alternatives to do pick ups/drop offs, childcare etc. So with him arranging his partner is fine and he can do this as long as he deems them safe (would be different if she was a safeguarding risk and then you would have a right to refuse her). You would be coming across as being difficult and preventing him having contact, so best to be careful in this situation

Where will he be after nursery ? Wouldn't he be going back home after or does he work away ? But as Nicole has said - what the other parent arranges during their time is up to them. It absolutely sucks but idk the courts seem to look at things so differently 😭 and what they deem and don't deem as safeguarding issues are insane at times I just had my final hearing for getting up our court order and I was mind blown..it favors no one but the abusive ex

I can’t see it as a problem. Your partner is an adult and if they trust their partner, it should be enough as you have no reason at all not to trust this other adult and let’s be honest, so nice of them wanting to help! Think that in another 6 months you could find yourself in the same situation and it needs to work the same both ways. It is another adult who probably cares about your little one and, you liking it or not, it is a good thing.

I would be upset if a stranger were taking care of my baby too. You could get your baby a smart watch that would allow him to call you if he feels uncomfortable. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, it seems pretty sticky seeing he legally has a right to use whoever he needs to for childcare. First thing I would try is to just be open and honest with him and go from there. Your concerns are valid and matter.

If you have a court order plan you could always tell the father you want to stick with the plan that is in place and plan to not change it at this time. Unfortunately you cannot stop him from having someone do the parenting time, however if you can prove he is not owning up to his time while having someone else take care of the child you might have a leg to stand on