Relationship advice

So we've been together since 2012, just had our 2nd child together (2 months ago). Our relationship has become toxic, I think. We fight ALLLL the time, for no reason. He spends almost all his time with friends because he says I make him miserable, always complaining. But I only ever complain about his absence. He can easily leave the house Friday morning for work, and return in the early hours of Saturday morning. To top it off, I found out while I was pregnant that he had been with at least 16 women in the period between November 2023 and Sept 2024. I stayed (we don't judge, right?). You should also know that I had an affair once, after the first time I found out he's cheating (2016). He found out after the affair ended and we opted to work things out... He then had a baby outside, and we separated for a bit before I found out I was pregnant (we listen and don't judge, right?). I had a "one night stand" with a colleague during this short period of separation, who texted me about a year later saying something explicit, and my partner saw this. Again, we resolved and moved on. Ffwd to today, I went to my mom's place, and got back home and immediately took a bath. I generally do this - take a bath as soon as I get home, unless I plan to cook, then I do it afterwards. This bath has caused a huge, unnecessary fight because then he asked me if I'm bathing because I had sex. ???? I think I know that I should leave, but where do I go with my 2 kids? Is it actually better the devil you know? Cause he genuinely treats me so well when it's good, but it gets really bad when it's bad. I'm tired of fighting and hurting, but I love him so much. He won't even entertain the idea of counselling. Please, someone tell me if this is salvageable and how?

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You both need to leave... you are both cheating on each other... 14 women in such a short period of time when he is in a relationship with you? YES WE JUDGE... That is not a healthy relationship for your children to grow up around. I'm sorry if that's blunt but maybe you need to hear it. He treats you good and does what he wants because he knows he's got you hooked... leave that man

I don’t believe this is salvageable at all and from what you’re saying it sounds like a downward spiral and will just continue to get worse. You’ve both been unfaithful for a reason, there’s clearly something missing from your relationship. This isn’t just about you two anymore, you have children to think about and this isn’t the relationship goals you should be setting. Why don’t you amicably separate and be great co parents before it turns super nasty and toxic?

This isn't salvageable and isn't a good example to your children of a good, healthy relationship from both sides. This is when you need to part ways for the sake of both your children

If you love him so much you would let him go girl

No this isn’t salvageable at all, I’d see if you could stay with a friend or family member if you have nowhere else to go. This is an extremely toxic relationship that your kids will grow up thinking this is how they’re supposed to be treated in a relationship or treat their significant others

I’m sorry there is nothing salvageable about this relationship. I think you guys need to split asap for the sake of your kids

Omg I read the first two lines & I am lost for words cuz I just don’t understand how sum women can allow themselves to be in these positions. Idk if u need to hear this bt ur relationship hasn’t BECOME toxic, it’s BEEN toxic! & u say “we fight all the time, for NO reason” sis lets be for real? Ya’ll arent just fighting nothing, it’s obvious u have unresolved issues U 2 are nt healthy individuals so u certainly cant b healthy 4 one another. Im so sad that there are babies involved in all this & u just had another 1 2months ago, cuz I wud never bring 1 child into that bt ya’ll went ahead & added another kid into the dysfunction so its only going to make things worst cuz babies rarely bring couples 2gether especially those with rocky foundations! babies usually expose the cracks & cause further damage within the dynamics of the relationship. I think both u guys are co dependent on each other with unhealthy attachment style, & as a result of that ur stuck in destructive patterns & cycles

You should definitely let go, this isn’t healthy for you or your kids

No it’s not salvageable.. love him enough to let him go because he clearly isn’t happy with you and you’re not happy with him. Unless you two can agree to just have an open relationship and respect each other’s outside relationships while you stay together for the kids, it will be better for you to go your separate ways.

First and foremost, cheating is never the right choice. I’m not here to judge, but it’s important to understand that “wealth luck” is something that, once lost, is difficult to regain. Wealth isn’t just about money—it includes love, happiness, and everything that makes life fulfilling. Cheating may seem tempting, but self-control is key (and this applies to men as well; it’s up to them to make their own choices). That said, you deserve a partner who truly values and accepts you, including your children. If you’re feeling insecure about leaving your current marriage before finding the right person, take your time. Prioritize your happiness and stability first. I hope this helps!

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