Is it me?
When I was younger way before kids were ever a thought I knew I didn't want to be a mom. Years later I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and I was able to manage it well enough without medication most of the time.
However, I'm now married with two kids I'm currently on lithium 1200mg and I feel like though my overall mood is "stable" I still feel like I made the wrong choice. My kids are a lot and I often feel like I just want to escape them. Today after a very stressful day I completely freaked out on my 3 year old. I just feel like my meds aren't doing anyone expect keeping me dull with quieted thoughts, but I don't feel like I'm stable enough got the constant chaos.
I've touched on this with my doctor, but fear she's going to tell me I'm a bad mom. IDK where I'm going with this, but I feel alone
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Sounds like you need help before things spiral. Asking for hell when it’s needed for the sake of your children makes you a good mom and your doctor will know that. Hiding things and not doing anything to help you parent your children effectively is being a bad mom and not putting them first for selfish reasons.
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Nothing from what you mentioned above shows me you are a bad mom. Looking to figure this out so you are a better mom shows me that you care to do better! I hope you are able to get to the bottom of this.