Help! IVF ethics

Just to add - I know embryo donation is a beautiful thing and what a privilege it could be to give that gift to someone, but it also feels like giving a child up for adoption. I guess I feel a sense of, well I chose to create this many embryos and now I should raise them all if that makes sense. Has anyone overcome these thoughts? Found healthy support?

Has anyone donated embryos? How do you feel now? Does anyone regret freezing embryos? I feel so unprepared to have these feelings

I had my FET just over a year ago and my son is 4 months old. We have 3 more embryos and only want one more child. For us, (in the UK, so may be country specific) it's not possible to donate these embryos. If we wanted to do that we would have needed to have additional testing done before egg retrieval, which we would have had to pay for. My understanding is this is why embryo donation is so rare in the UK, but egg donation is more common (still rare) because people do 50/50 for donation and personal use in order to massively reduce their costs. I've heard people do futile transfers, where the embryo is transferred at a time in your cycle where it couldn't possibly implant, as a way of returning it to where it came from, without the possibility of pregnancy (although I suppose there is always a chance so it is risky). We've decided not to think about it now, because it may take all 3 before we get our 2nd baby, if we even manage to have a 2nd baby. So very much a cross that bridge if/when we come to it

I think I am going to just discard mine. But I do get it, I sort of think of them as my babies and it feels weird to do anything with them. But, I only want 2 children, I have a 19 month old and I am currently pregnant with my second, we have 2 left in the freezer. I am paying for storage for another 12 months, until after I have had this baby. But next year I will likely discard them. You can donate to research. Which I also find difficult as it would be great for them to help others, but it also kind of feels weird to use them in that way. It’s a difficult choice. Also, you cannot guarantee you won’t need all 5. My daughter was my 4th embryo, this one I was lucky worked first time and was my 5th embryo.

@Charley I’ve never heard of the futile transfer. That’s actually a bit comforting. Thanks for sharing that

@Danielle yes for sure! That’s what gives me so many mixed feelings. I know it’s possible with the five remaining we may not have any viable pregnancies, which also gives me some anxiety. I think my feelings about the embryos just changed a lot unexpectedly after having a successful pregnancy. Makes the embryos feel so much more real even though I rationally know they can’t exist outside of a human body

One thing to consider is that, unless PGT testing has been done on all 5 of those frozen embryos, you do not know how viable they would actually be, as some may not be euploid? So it’s not necessarily like giving up 5 potential babies, but rather that those 5 need to be there to at least give a reasonable shot of one or two more successful pregnancies. (Of course you may have had the testing done, in which case this rationale doesn’t apply). Just a thought.

Can you donate to science?

@Natasha I’ve thought about this too but my brain is struggling to separate the difference between an embryo and a child. Like I wouldn’t give up my newborn to science. I KNOW an embryo and a child aren’t the same and I’m a very pro choice type of gal, but I’m not sure I could do that either.

Your feelings are very valid, and you aren't alone in that struggle. We had to decide what to do with ours before they were even created. We decided to donate them to science, contributing to the advancement of IVF makes sense to us. And every time we drive by the clinic where our embryos are stored, I think about them. Not as my babies but as my chances of having another living child.

I’ve just had my storage letter through. I can keep them, discard them, donate them to another couple or donate them to science. For this year I am keeping them. But I will need to decide next year. It will be discard or donate to science.

We donated our last embryo to science. I would not over analyze it too much right now though because this journey can be wild and you never know how many you will need. We had an easy time getting to my oldest child and it took 3 more embryos (tested euploids) to have our 2nd child.

We are keeping our embryos until we’re ready to part with them but will be donating them to science. Again we didn’t think we could give them to another couple (as amazing as that this) and also didn’t like the thought of them being discarded. This way it makes me feel better knowing we are potentially helping the advancement of IVF, however I can imagine when that time comes it still won’t be easy x

We talked about this the other day too. I think if we have any left over once we complete our family, we have thought we would like to keep them in storage incase any of our children may need embroys in the future. I’m not sure it can be done or ever has been done but with the way fertility rates are dropping you never know. Essentially it would be their sibling but it would also be their DNA. They may never need to be used but what a great way to be able to donate.

I would wait and try not to worry about all this yet. If you want another child or two, you may end up using all 5 and never need to make the decision. If you do end up coming to that point, you could ask your clinic about IVF counselling services to help guide your decision.

I am in a similar position, and feel the same way, however, my embryos are in Texas and I fear I may not have any option but to keep them indefinitely or donate. I struggle with the thought of someone else raising my ‘babies’ too, so know that you’re not alone!

I have thought about this as well. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first transferred embryo and have five more (all PGT-A tested normal) embryos in the freezer. Part of me wants to try for all six babies! But that’s not realistic, ha. So I’m just going to get through this pregnancy and try for baby #2 from our stash in a year or so. And re-evaluate after that. But I totally understand your thinking! It’s a hard one ❤️