need advice

I treated my mum to a drink yesterday as I haven’t seen her in a long time and doing that I feel like I messed up majorly. She tells me she is clean off drugs (cocaine) and that she will go to meetings and get help but she hasn’t at all. She has been up all night with my friend on coke and I’m absolutely angry. My mum barely takes care of herself anymore, her place is a mess like she doesn’t care, she refuses to work at all and lies about job searching. I’m expecting my first baby in June and I want her to sort herself out. I do not want anyone on drugs around my baby as someone who was doing hardcore drugs and drinking before I fell pregnant, I know it is hard but the fact she is lying to me makes me so angry???? and the fact she thinks I’m stupid enough to believe her lies makes me even more upset. We also had a loss last week and I understand she’s upset I’ve messaged her and made it clear to sort herself out or she will not have ANY involvement with my son til she does. Is that too harsh? I’m just so fed up of my own mother lying to me. She’s 48 years old and then cries about the fact she hasn’t got anything to show for her life but doesn’t do anything to change it snd then that plays on my mind, the guilt as if it’s my fault.

Show your support

Nope it doesn’t sound too harsh at all. I cut contact with my own parents for a number of reasons - abuse, neglect, stealing, manipulation, use of hardcore drugs. Honestly it was the best choice I could have made for myself. It came after an unnecessary comment and gossiping after I was going through an unexpected loss, my phone broke and I realised just how much more stress free and happier I was without that line of communication. So I just didn’t look back. They don’t know where I live, they don’t know they have 3 grandchildren and nor will they ever know/meet them. It might sound harsh and I get a lot of comments about “but ThEyRe YOuR ParENtS”. I held out hope for too long for a change and just kept getting upset, stressed, guilted, used, abused and let down again and again. Do what you need to for your own health, happiness and peace of mind ❤️

My dad is similar. I raised my 5 younger siblings (his children) and still I wanted him to have a relationship with his grandson. I was always there to help clean him up when he was ready for help. No matter how many times he messed up and came and went I always helped him. Even when it would cause me more stress than anything. You will see once you have your baby you are no longer willing to put up with the same b.s. I was the only one to ever help him and be there for him through the years and still he just bring destruction and stress to my life. He takes an inch and runs with it. This last time he visited he caused a huge issue with my roommate saying I was going to kick her out she left. I really need her help with rent. That was the final straw I sent him one message and cut him off for good. It's upsetting and hard but you have a baby to focus on. If she's bringing more drama than peace it might be worth it to cut her off

It’s not harsh we have had to cut contact with alcoholics in the family and it’s necessary. My husband and I both grew up with it and don’t want that for our sons we want them to have innocence and a childhood. Instead of wondering if you’re being to harsh try and phrase it as “did this hurt my childhood or do I want this for theirs?”

@Sharnee I’m really sorry. It’s never easy and for them to gossip after an unexpected loss is so horrible. They should’ve been your support not an enemy during that time. I just want my mum back. She’s just gone down hill so quick over the last few months and I just want her to be clean and happy like she used to be and taking care of herself properly. It just sucks so much because I’m her only child and I want her to be involved with her grandson but it she won’t help herself, I cannot. I don’t want my son to be around drugs like that.

It’s not too harsh and she also won’t do it just because you’re threatening her. She will simply lie. It’s good to be “harsh” and cut it off because your biggest job is PROTECTING your child

No your a mother first always do what you feel is best for you and your baby

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