What would you do?

Teach him how to play

@Ella I've tried that. I also have various toys and books in the room so they are easily accessible for him to use, but all he does is sit on the couch with her.

I pressed leave. But you should also ask him how he’s coping and does he need any help/advice? Especially if it’s his first child. They don’t always get parental instincts like we get motherly instincts. Give him the opportunity to ask questions. Otherwise definitely let him work it out for himself and be available for him if he needs help! Otherwise he will ALWAYS rely on you to do everything that is inconvenient to him.

@Sera Kay ✨ if he doesn't for help and baby won't stop crying, how long would you wait before at least going in to check on them?

Maybe encourage him to go for a walk outside with her?

Is there someone else who could be there during his visits that knows how to play with a baby and could show him? Like a friend or family member? If your relationship is complicated it might be easier to have a third person around.

@Ella he's not allowed to leave the house during visits until she is 7 months. That was one thing talked about in our custody stuff.

@Maeve my family is usually home. His sister will sometimes join him and she works at a daycare with babies, but even she doesn't play with her. Poor baby is just bored for the hours.

He isn’t bonded with her. She’s barely out of the newborn stage and it will be harder for him to soothe her. My fiancé has been active and present in our daughter’s life before she was even out of my womb, she is so attached and bonded with him. Sometimes she even prefers to go to him first before me lol, she’s a daddy’s girl. He needs to get more familiar with y’all’s child’s hunger and sleep cues, that’s a start. You can give him tips, but it’s not your job to do a step by step, especially if he’s not even showing genuine effort to bond with her. I hope this advice helps, this sounds frustrating and you’re doing your best.

@Emmy it definitely is frustrating. Especially because I'm giving him tips and he's not using them.

I didn’t see your first comment on top initially. He’s actively avoiding to bond with her, that’s a red flag. If this is his first child, that’s understandable, but he’s literally not trying at all!!! He’s only making it harder for himself and y’all’s daughter, she deserves an emotionally present and loving father.

Until you hear her getting really upset or him getting exhausted/frustrated. BUT in saying that my sorry ass would be in there earlier lol. It’s not gonna harm her being upset. He also needs to learn. They need to learn together :) but definitely get him to reach out when he actually needs you/has tried everything himself first

@Emmy I agree. He doesn't try to have fun with her. With today's visit, he spent the majority of the time talking to me. He came to the kitchen table to sit next to me and gave baby to me while I was eating lunch. She is his first child, but he's not really trying at all. I'm pretty worried about when he starts having visits away from my supervising and getting overnights. But I'm also not entirely sure if he'll even stick around for that if he knows he's not getting me back.

@Sera Kay ✨ I usually will stay in the kitchen, which is connected to the family room. I try to avoid being in the family room, but can at least see them when I'm in the kitchen. I don't intervene unless he asks unless I can tell he's getting frustrated and she isn't calming down. It's so hard to see her like that when I know she's so happy when he's not visiting. I know it won't harm her to cry/scream for maybe like 10 minutes or so, but 3 hours seems really excessive for a 5 month old to not be getting help to calm down. I feel that can lead to attachment issues or other damage with how long she is crying if I'm not helping during visits. And the other issue is that he doesn't try, even if I'm not in the room. He will hold her and let her cry, which is just going to frustrate both of them more. And he's not good to be around when he's frustrated, which is a big reason why I stay where I can at least hear them.

Hmmm I see your point. If it were me in your situation I’d just be there to step in when needed then. If he’s really just gonna let her cry and you aren’t ok with that (I wouldn’t be either) then I’m not sure. X

I pressed leave the room. But its hard. Hearing your child cry especially when they are easy to calm os really hard your not going to damage her from crying. But if he isn't trying at all to calm her or soother her thats not fair to her. He also needs to put in effort to entertain and play with her. Maybe try having a conversation with him when she takes a nap or one evening when she goes to sleep give him a call and explain your feelings and how he needs to step up and be active when visiting. If you dont think he will stick around, you can also just let time weed him out if you already feel like that it shouldn't take long.