Need advise/to vent

Tell her not to come!! Ur baby bubble is essential.

If she is already causing this much stress, tell her not to come. It is really hard dealing with MIL from different cultures. You don't need that extra stress when you're already going to be running on adrenaline.

Thank you all for validating me and sharing your experience Meis! I feel like my husband has zero concept of what it’s going to be like but he is super supportive and I think he’s even a bit stressed by the thought of his mum coming! So hopefully he can get her to understand it’s just easiest if she waits until we’re back there 🤞

This uncertainty is exactly the point. You don't know how you and the baby are going to feel, what you are going to need. In any case, you need your husband to be there for you 100% which he can't if he has to take care of guests. I'm usually a person who is very good at compromising, for me it's very important to think of other people's needs. And that's exactly why I don't want to be put in a position where I will need to compromise. This shouldn't be a period where we who just gave birth are expected to compromise. The key is really to have your husband understand and support you. (Arr...just wanted to edit my previous post and deleted it instead.)

Men just do not understand do they!! Completely understand where you’re coming from. I had to plant the seed that I didn’t want anyone here for the first few days/week and he even responded but they’ll have to if they haven’t met her?! So I let him think about it and then prepped a message to send to all our family, asking them to come to the hospital instead, as I want to heal, establish breast feeding and find a routine before we have visitors. And then he finally understood and has gone with my idea!! I would tell your husband your anxiety since she’s booked the flight, and plant the seed that way that you want the plan to change - not that you ever agreed it!! Xxx

I had my sister for the first week of lo being born and she was a godsend. However, we were very much on the same page from day 1 and she never tried to overstep. Those first few weeks go by so quickly but slowly at the same time, you need your bubble and people you feel you can rely on. If you would worry she’s going to give your baby juice etc that’s an absolutely no brainier for me. Plus you will want to establish routines which may include breastfeeding / pumping and nap routines before having people round which may disrupt that. You should not feel awkward putting boundaries in place for the sake of your family 🩷

@hannah thank you sharing ❤️ I will go softly and I’m sure he will come around. I’m not sure she booked flights yet just time off work so I might suggest he asks her to push her time off a month then she does have the option of coming when baby is a few weeks old. Thank you xx

@Ciira since we are at my parents house we’ll already have them here and possibly my sister too since she’s a midwife/breastfeeding support worker. One more extra person in the mix feels too much! I know they will only give advice/help when asked, so feel like we’ll still be able to have our own space and find our way. His mum is very chaotic and I feel like her energy and unsolicited advice will stress me out!

It could almost be me writing this post!! Although my MIL hasn't been offering advice.... yet! They've booked flights over (MIL, FIL) for three days before edd and so far have not booked a return. Different culture and I'm anxious that I'll get told what to do and she'll only want to hold the baby and not think about me. I could be overreacting but its such a fear. We live in a tiny two bed house and my partner and MIL concocted the idea that my parents stay in the spare room and they stay on a blow up mattress in the living room (the only room downstairs apart from kitchen). Can you imagine!!!! I had to fight for this not to happen and finally have put all 4 parents in an air bnb (my mum is very supportive of me and this was actually her suggestion as she would never impose) but I am stressing already ... they arrive 30th March. I drop hints about how they can't be at our house 24/7 and can't come to the hospital etc but it is panicking me as my partner thinks i 'dont want them there'.

My parents will be here for a while too and will support me in getting them out of the way but I'm worried this will cause a clash too, especially as they communicate using google translate. I guess what I'm trying to say with this ramble is i feel you and sending you virtual support!!

I've had a similar experience (not as extreme as my MIL is only in Scotland), where I've had to try to tell my husband how I won't want anyone around for at least a few weeks. When we saw MIL at Christmas we agreed that she would visit around 3 weeks after due date & stay nearby (not with us), she then made a comment like "as long as I can stay away!". My husband thought that was her angling to come down sooner and started trying to organise for her to visit earlier and stay with us, thinking it would be nice for me to have company when he goes back to work. I had to delicately explain how the LAST thing I would want is to be alone with his mum while I'm still figuring things out with the baby and recovering! He was a little put out at first but I stayed firm and he eventually got it

@Rachael oh my gosh you poor thing, this sounds super intense. Glad you managed to get them in the Airbnb. I know having help will be good but you also just want to have that time to yourself for all the newborn cuddles! I think before baby comes just see them shortly and then keep saying you’re tired and want to nap, and if possible don’t tell them you’ve gone into labour so you can have that time just the three of you? Then once baby is born I feel like the best way to handle is just to task them up so they feel useful but you don’t have to hand baby over to them! Like tell them you want x food and ask them to do the laundry and stuff!! Thank you for the virtual support, sending it back to you ❤️❤️❤️

@Julie oh gosh!! Sometimes they just get blinded by what they think their mum wants 🙈 glad he got it in the end!! We are already at my parents house and I honestly can’t think of anything worse than another person hanging around whilst I’m tired, bleeding, and trying to figure out breastfeeding😂😂😂

I've been dealing with my MIL of 1.5 years. She's from the Philippines, they do not have milk like we have milk and they don't breastfeed. She has been pushing formula since before she met my son at 7 months. Luckily I didn't have to hear much of it before she arrived because she would mostly talk to my husband. He is over 2 and keeps pushing formula. He is already drinking 3 bottles of milk a day and eating cheese (doesn't like yogurt). She keeps offering formula between milk and meals instead of food. I'm trying to get rid of bottles (have been for a year) and each time he cries because I give his milk in a cup, she take the cup out of my hand and puts it in a bottle. I snapped one day after this and told her that she was going to pay for his dental and speech therapy because she's the one enabling him. Then on top of all that she wonders why he doesn't eat at meal times. Ummm because you keep giving him milk and formula. He's 2 his nutrients needs to come from food. And that's just one issue....

@Ellie what a nightmare! So strange that she’s pushing formula when your son is already 2! It’s funny isn’t it how the cultural differences are often fine in your relationship but it’s when the MIL gets involved you really notice them. What gets me is the mentality of not letting us have our turn being the mum and trying to dictate based on their own experiences. My mum has 4 kids and not once has she given me unsolicited advice. I’ve asked for advice and sometimes not liked what she said but she never gets forceful about anything!

I understand why in the Philippines they give formula up to I believe 5, but we have proper milk products here that is more or less affordable. There is also the TV issue (with my husband as well, but he's not as bad), vegetables (She doesn't cook them at all), the amount of oil and sugar used in cooking, giving my son Coca-Cola, pushing sweets (and being offended when my son says no, he's a savoury kid), constantly on him when he cries to the point that he's learning Crocodile tears, correcting which hand he uses (cutlery, markers, etc), cosleeping (She uses his bed as a storage and has him sleep in hers)... And the amount of toys. We have no room. His toys have overtaken half the house. We keep taking them for donations and every time she goes on vacation or to visit family, she comes back with 3/4 more toys that make noises and are very annoying. Our son doesn't even play with them. We donated 3 transport trucks only to have her buy him another one (this one is pretty cool, but still....)