Am I being selfish?
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Honestly, babe, this sounds so much like my situation! I'd say if there's any family on your side or his side you trust, it really helps to get them to help with visits. It's great he wants to be a part of little ones life so use that as best you can to keep it clean and supervised by people you both know and trust in ( so if anything unexpected or wrong comes of it you know people are aware and will back you up / intervene ). It's tough because you will be feeling so hurt and have no time really for yourself - I've been there. You're doing such a great job. The fact that you're asking for help just shows how strong you are. Alot people go into denial about how difficult things are and that can cause another host of problems x
I’ve cut him off and doing it alone
I was in this situation, although my child’s dad claimed he wanted to still see his son (he’s also a massive narc) All he cared about was still having control over me. I tried to put in place that he spend time with him at his cousins & each time he went to bring with him a pack of nappies & tin of formula. Guess what he wouldn’t do it because he didn’t want somebody telling him what to do (his words not mine) Tried so many different ways but because it wasn’t on his terms or I wasn’t there he chose not to see his son instead. I would let him come to mine to see my son & he wouldn’t spend any time with him, even though I wasn’t comfortable being around him. It turns out the best for my son is not his dad at the moment. I’ve been through DA with him, he got arrested for harassing me & i now have an order against him that he can’t come near/contact me or my son. Please do what you believe is best for you & your baby. If he does really care he’ll respect your boundaries
Is he a good pertain for your baby to be around? Obviously he's baby's dad, but it's be going to be a negative example in your baby's life? I totally get wanting your baby to have both parents involved, but it's important to think about the impact it will have on baby. Where you are ebf and dad doesn't seem to want to be around baby when they are crying, it may be best to only offer him supervised visits until baby is no longer ebf. Or if you trust him with baby, maybe he can an hour or two to take baby somewhere public. I'm not sure. My bd is a narcissist as well and abused me. He has one 3 hour visit each week at my house until baby turns 7 months. Then he gets 4 hours each week and had the option to take her somewhere public within the county we live in. There are a lot of different possibilities. If you have the means, I would suggest meeting with a family law attorney and learning about the different options that you might have and see what they suggest. Some attorneys do free consultations as well.