Struggling to emotionally connect to new pregnancy

I am exactly the same, 15 weeks and still feeling the same way! I felt much better after my scan and allowed myself to connect a bit but I’m still not as connected as I was with my first baby as in scared it will happen again. I have a scan on Saturday and I’m hoping the further along I get the more connected I will be. I think it’s just a natural defence mechanism for us xx

Oh I’m so sorry to hear that @Tee. I had some bleeding early on and saw the little bean at 6 weeks, but I just couldn’t feel reassured it will stick. It almost felt like it wasn’t happening to me. I really hope you’re right and time helps 💕. I’m also keeping this one quiet so it’s just so much bottled up.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Pregnancy after loss is extremely complex. Not connecting emotionally with this pregnancy is your hearts way to protect itself from pain. At least, that's how I saw it throughout my pregnancy after loss, slowly as my pregnancy progressed, and I found out the gender and became more connected. Becoming more connected brought up other kinds of feelings, too, so it was never an easy pregnancy emotionally. What you are feeling is normal and ok. You aren't alone in feeling that way. I joined a pregnancy after loss support group, and that was very helpful. I was also in therapy. Give yourself some grace and love. There's no right or wrong way of feeling. All feelings are valid and ok to feel. Sending you love

Thank you for that response @Bela, you phrase it so well. I really hope you’re right in feeling slowly more connected over time. It’s such a range of emotions. I’m still grieving for my last one and feeling so much guilt for not feeling more for this one. I guess I just can’t believe in happy endings just yet. 🤞times a healer. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I’m the same. I lost one in January at 10+6 and fell pregnant again 2 weeks ago, sadly I lost that one too yesterday at 4+1. I don’t feel affected by the 2nd loss and feel so guilty but I know it’s because I never allowed myself to get attached. Your feelings are totally valid, pregnancy after loss is terrifying but there is hope for many!🤍

Oh I’m so so sorry for your losses @Shannon. That’s such a lot to have going on mentally and physically. I’m relieved to see the coping mechanisms seem common and I should probably not be so hard on myself. That initial heartbreak seems just so scarring. I hope you have wonderful support around you and get your 🌈. X

@inc I totally understand the guilt feelings. I wanted so badly to be happy and for my little embryo/fetus to feel wanted and loved. But fear and grief were at the forefront, making it hard. As my bump started to grow, I started chatting with it and sharing my feelings. I was literally explaining how I was feeling and making sure she knew she was loved and wanted no matter what. It sounds silly, but it helped me. We did IVF, and I was open about the whole process. Friends and family knew I was pregnant from day one, and I think having that support system from the beginning was extremely helpful. They reassured me that my feelings were valid, and if I couldn't be happy right now, it was ok. They would be happy, excited, and hopeful for me. That way, my little fetus was surrounded by love, happiness, and hope, even when I couldn't.

@Bela oh that doesn’t sound silly at all. It actually made me emotional to read that, it’s lovely. Maybe after the 12 week scan I’ll try open myself up a little more to it. That’s exactly it, they’re so so wanted, but you’d never know if you spent a day in my mind right now. That’s wonderful you have that support 💕. My family are a little complicated and I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable being that raw and vulnerable, especially after the last loss. I’m very thankful this little peanut community exists though 💕