My momma just passed - a long post

It's after midnight where I'm at and I just got the call from my uncle that my mom passed away. Due to the time, I don't have anyone else to talk to and I need to get this out. I woke my husband to tell him and he comforted me until he fell back asleep. Sorry this is gonna be long. I haven't been able to tell my brother yet since he hasn't answered the phone and I wouldn't expect him to at this hour. I had made a hasty trip on Saturday to go see her and say goodbye because I knew this day was close. She has been in liver failure for a year and a half and I'm honestly shocked we got that much time with her. She was an alcoholic and so many times been told to quit drinking. 9 years ago she almost died from her liver shutting down and made a miraculous recovery. Unfortunately the addiction had too strong of a hold on her and she kept drinking. Since the episode 9 years ago and more so in the last 1.5 years, we've had several scares with her being hospitalized because of her liver. A week ago she was admitted to the hospital for the last time. Her partner is a very sweet man but is very simple. I don't think throughout all of this time he has understood any of the medical terms and the severity of my mom's prognosis at any given time. I'm grateful that my uncles, her brothers, were there this weekend to make it clear to me that I needed to make the trip to see her. I finally got to speak with her doctor and her gave her a week, if not a few days, left. I made the immensely difficult decision to discontinue all life preserving treatments and start hospice care. She was unconscious when I was visiting with her Saturday. She didn't even flinch when my 7 week old started screaming because she was hungry. I also made the decision to start morphine in case she was in any pain and just couldn't tell us, which pretty much guaranteed that she wouldn't regain consciousness again. I urged my brother to make the trip to say his goodbyes. I'm grateful he listened and he went up on Sunday. The worst part is she never liked to discuss her death so I don't know what her true wishes were aside from not wanting to be buried in the ground because she doesn't want worms crawling on her and I don't think she wanted to be cremated. She had no money and no life insurance so I don't even know how we're going to afford her end of life services. I'm just numb as I sit up rocking the grandbaby she never really got to meet. I don't even know when and how to tell my 12 year old that her granny has passed. Do I wake her and tell her now? Do I tell her in the morning and let her stay home? (I mean, how are you supposed to go to school after learning your granny is dead?) Do I wait until after school to tell her? If you have actually read all of this, thank you and bless your heart. For my morbid humor, at least she waited until after midnight so she didn't die on my second wedding anniversary.

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I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard 😔. I lost my dad a few days after my oldest was born 14 years ago. But we lost my FIL a little over a year ago. My husband received the call about 9 pm. We wait until the next day to tell our oldest two. They handled the news well and went to school, but if they needed too we were prepared to keep them home. He hadn't been doing well health wise and we thought he was going to pass a couple years before due to a severe stroke, but he made it through and was living in a facility until he passed. Sending you hugs

I’m really sorry for your loss. I would tell your daughter tomorrow morning, and let her stay home from school. I would call the school to tell them what happened. If she was close to her grandma I would ask if she could talk to a counselor at school whatever day she ends up going back. Even if she doesn’t want to talk about it right now she will at least know who to go to If she needs to.

Sending you hugs and love. I know the feeling cause I have lost my parents, and it was a hard time for me and my siblings. Good thing you visited her. I would have suggested waiting until after school before sharing the sad news, but she might notice and ask questions. You can tell her before school, see how she takes it, and decide on school or no school. Happy Anniversary dear, and please accept my condolences

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had the same scenario happened with my dad... He also would not stop drinking and ignored all health problems until it was very late and he only lived for few months. When I was about your daughter age my great grandma died and my mum told me via a sticky note left on the kitchen counter. I went to school and also that night I had a piano concert. My mum cancelled her attendance because she had to attend her mother ( my grandma) for the grief and funeral arrangements and stuff... My concert was late in the evening until today I don't know why she actually never came and uninvited everyone due to our great grandma's death. She never excused me from anything or cared how I would process all this.. I'm sure she was saying everywhere I was fine. So please yes excuse your daughter from school and give her space to process.

I am so sorry. I lost my mom also. Please be as gentle with yourself as you can in the coming weeks and months. Everyone has already said very supportive words. I’ll just offer that if you want to talk with another survivor of parent loss, please feel free to reach out.

Sorry to hear about your mum 😢 I lost my dad 10 years ago this year and it crushed me (we were very close) from the moment he found out he was sick he planned everything and left money for his funeral so we were lucky in that aspect. He only lasted 6 weeks after his diagnosis and it was early hours in the morning. I told my son who was 7 at the time the next day after he finished school and he was devastated so be ready for a lot of tears. Sending you hugs x

Thank you all for the words of comfort. My husband and I decided to wait until after school to tell our 12 year old. She is going to be devastated. She is a very emotionally sensitive girl and loves her granny very much. It's going to be very hard on her.

I read the whole thing, and I’m very sorry for your loss. ♥️ Take some time to grieve with your family, and try not to worry right now about all you have to do; you can figure it out later with your brother and your mom’s partner. Rest in beautiful peace to your mom. 💫

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mother in law was an alcoholic and passed away from liver disease 10 days before my daughter was born after spending 3 months in hospital. It’s such a difficult time and it sounds like you’re handling things very well so far. In terms of telling your eldest, let her sleep for tonight and tell her in the morning then keep her home for the day. I’m sure the school will understand with a loss like this she needs to be at home with her family. X

Sending lots of prayers and love to you and your family 🫶🏼 so sorry for your loss. My inbox is always open

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