Cousin Drama
Show your support
@Ashley thank you and I totally get it, she is probably stress and feels overwhelmed but I can tell you that all I am trying to do is help her. I just feel so sad that this is a time that I been waiting to share with her but it’s going the wrong way. I will dff let their know I am here for her
@Mel she is lucky to have you. Also pregnancy hormones make women feel very emotional and sensitive. I'm sure that is contributing to it.
@Ashley for sure thank you for commenting
Your cousin is the one currently experiencing pregnancy, and the experience is her own. While it's nice to offer help, it's not always help when it's unsolicited and she is clearly feeling overwhelmed. Just tell her you're sorry and that you're there for her if she wants any help and don't take it personally. But I can kind of get why she feels judged if you've told her "it doesn't seem like she's planning at all" like you wrote in this chat. Like if anyone outside of my husband had been texting me "have you done this yet? what about this? you really need to do this!" I would've hated that.
My bff and I are sometimes like you and your cousin. One of us plans and plans while the other just wings it. It can come off as being pushy asking so many questions if she’s feeling overwhelmed, but rest assure that you’re not doing anything wrong. She’s just processing things differently.
@Chelsea ohhh nooo I was just saying that she is not planning at all! Of course I didn’t told her that. Yea she is dff overwhelmed.
Wow. She’s halfway there and no plan. Good luck to her. I’d be terrified
How often are you talking to her about her pregnancy and the baby? How often are you asking if she has done this or looked into that? What do you mean "trying to support her anyway you can"? I feel you could either be trying to be supportive in a way she just doesn't appreciate or need, trying to be supportive and its coming across as twlling her what to do or being judgemental or she might just be over reacting or taking her shit out on you because she isn't prepared or preparing for her baby. She could also have other things going on; issues with the pregnancy, her home life, anti-natal anxiety or depression, financial issues, etc We just don't know. Why would your other cousin feel the need to text you about this? Based on what you have written, I'd consider apologising, telling her you are there if she needs you and then just not communicating with her for a bit. When you reach out again, do not talk about her pregnancy at all. Let her bring it up.
Some people just don't like to over plan. That's me 🙋🏼♀️ I went to 41+4 with essentially no plan, our birth plan was essentially "healthy mom/healthy baby", we never found out the gender, didn't decorate the nursery until the day I was induced, and picked his name about 24 hours post delivery. Some people thrive on lots of planning and others very much do the opposite! To me, personally, all the asking could feel judgmental because that's just not how I process things and I know everyone processes differently but the excessive checking in can sometimes feel judgy.
idk @Mel a lot of what you're saying here sounds judgey 🤷🏽♀️
I'm sorry your advice didn't go as planned, you clearly love your cousin lots and are very excited for her. But for those of us who prefer a more relaxed approach it can start to stress us out if someone's reminding us of a to do list that is on their schedule, and come across that you don't think she's capable. Personally I feel like 22 weeks is so early in the scheme of things, she possibly barely has a bump yet. It's important that she gets to feel like this pregnancy is her own and get the chance to listen to her own maternal instincts when they kick in further down the line. I know you won't wanna be shut out of her pregnancy in the long run. So If i were you I'd tell her that you're sorry, you were getting ahead of yourself and you are just so excited for her journey but you realise it's her own and she's more than capable. Then in future keep pregnancy chat focused on how she's feeling etc rather than what she's doing x
Just leave her alone..she'll do things in her own time.
We didn’t do birthing classes either time, which wouldn’t have mattered anyway because first turned into an emergency c-section & second was a scheduled c-section. After what I’ve experienced, birthing plans seem silly. However, I’m sure she’ll be planned in other ways when it gets closer to time to have the baby.
Thank you so much mama for all the support. I appreciate also I apologize to her and will let her reach out when she can
I didn't do any of that stuff when I was pregnant. I was high risk with twins and we kept getting upsetting scary news from the drs as the pregnancy progressed. I mentally didn't even fully realize we were actually having babies until I held them in my arms. Not sure if she is having any risks or issues with her pregnancy or she could just be stressed with life. Maybe just let her know you are there for her in any way she may need you. Just don't ask if she is doing certain things to prepare. You are a great cousin and friend. Wish I had a cousin like you!