Mentally I am not ok.
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Thank you for your kind words. I can't do much of music or anything like that because of bedtime in the house. I'm trying hard to just do my 5 senses of coping. Keeping the mental stuff to myself right now because my existence is essential to others more than I feel for myself. I'm so ashamed for feeling this way because I could have such a worse life than what I actually have. This is more just long term trauma from my childhood creeping out and it's hard to balance that previous life processing it in therapy and dealing with right now life at the same time.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Please seek help at a hospital. Things can and will get better. You are not weak for seeking help. In fact it's the opposite bc asking for help takes a lot of courage.
See I've been in therapy for over 7 years between a few therapists, this one being my longest therapist for the last almost 4 years. I feel as if me even considering in patient care will ruin me more than anything because I have kids that I fear I may lose custody to their dad for having to potentially be hospitalized. Essentially they are the reason why I stay, but won't get hospitalized. Fear of losing my kids. I know selfish but I've never had a healthy relationship with having a good mental health so my mind is possibly cloudy of anything legal or custody wise. Idk. I just need to keep pushing through. I'm just so tiredddddddd.
If you're in the US, then I can definitely say that inpatient hospitalization will not cause you to lose your kids unless there is child abuse happening in the home. In fact, courts look favorably on parents who seek voluntary mental health treatment in child custody battles. The average length of stay on an inpatient unit is around 7 days. You are under no obligation to tell anyone where you are or why. Also, the providers on the inpatient unit are working in your best interest. It's confidential and no one can ever access your records against your will without a court subpoena. Ultimately, you are in control to make the best decision for yourself and your family, but I just want to clarify any misconceptions about inpatient treatment.
I am in the US so it's nice to know that. I still fear it will be used against me somehow. I've had issues in the past with co parenting and it's been a struggle to say the last. Thank you so much for helping. I'll push though. I promise.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation fellow momma. But know that you matter and so your feelings and emotions, please remember that it will all pass and don't let any of it burn you down. You are love. You are valuable and appreciated. If you're a momma, look at your child's eyes and remember how much you love your child and also how much your child loves you. Struggling with mental health is really not easy as our enemy is our thoughts. In times when I'm struggling with so many thoughts that leads me to suicidal thoughts, I pray and ask God to help me throw away all the thoughts as I can't afford the life that God gave me as it's a precious gift from Him and also, I can't afford leaving the people I love. Please write down all of the emotions you have and pray for it. Read the Bible, call a friend that you can trust that's willing to listen to you with no judgement and is just there to listen. Thank you for sharing what you feel. i Before I'm struggling with mental health as well and writing down helps.
I'll be in prayers with you and you can get through your situation. Being in that situation is tough and thank you for persevering for your kids and fighting for them. As you seek help, and help yourself be better, you won't lose your custody. Let's hope and pray that it won't be used against you. 🙏 💪
I am so sorry to hear that. I have been there for sure. I spent years wanting to kill myself every day. I used to fantasize about doing it every day, usually almost all day. It was so intrusive. But I got past it. There is hope on the other side. I have been there. If you ever need to talk please message me. You can talk to me no judgement at all.
Sending goodness your way💗 I’m sorry you’re going through it, I’ve been in your shoes many times, it’s hard out here but there’s a solution, there will be a better day I promise, it’s worth the wait! This is a season of growth and learning yourself💗 take good care💗
Sending you so much love and praying for you. ❤️🙏
Thanks everyone. Last night was a struggle. Didn't fall asleep until almost 11 and woke up for a bit in a panic and stayed up for a bit then back to sleep for roughly 2.5 hours. I'm just gonna keep pushing through for my family and maybe 1 day I'll be able to push for me too
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You ARE valuable, and your existence is important. Try to calm your mind and your heart. I know without medication that's difficult, but think about the last thing that brought you joy. Meditate on that moment, play it over and over again. If you can, phone a friend you can trust to come sit with you, not talk, just sit and be. If you can't phone someone, turn on a song, a show, something that will distract you from focusing on the doom. You are worthy of joy and you are enough, try to remember that.