Does anyone else feel like bad moms because they're older? Like because you're so used to being independent?
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I do get the longing for independence. In my case it's because most of my friends either remained childless or their kids are already older so they are more independent. Having my second is what really made me feel limited socially, but at least at first that was during Covid, and now we've moved out of state so it's more the struggle of building any social life without spending a fortune on babysitting. What helps is that a) One of the reasons I put off having kids is that I wanted to make sure I had time to be young and irresponsible and do a lot of stuff that I wouldn't do when older anyway, and not have any regrets; and b) I see my older friends having great social lives and adventures after their kids have gotten older so I know that time will come again. This is but one chapter/stage in the journey, and it will seem brief someday when we suddenly have all that free time on our hands again!
As far as adulting, and doubts around being a good example, I would highly recommend therapy. It sounds like the parent version of Imposter Syndrome that many people experience in relation to their jobs or image in general. Not having a touchstone of good examples for yourself as a child must make that difficult. Do you feel like you can talk to your husband about these things? Each carve out sometime to let each other go out independently and explore a hobby or spend time with friends? Do you have a sponsor from recovery you could talk to about it? I wouldn't be surprised if some of your feelings are attached to that.
I feel the need to escape sometimes too but I can't. I am nearly 42, and I have a preschooler and newborn. I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but sometimes I feel trapped. I often ask my husband to take my toddler off my hands because I'm overwhelmed and tired. I also struggle with routines, but the kids are alive and so am I so maybe they won't have a firm bedtime! Oh well! Mostly, we have to learn to give ourselves grace. Guilt is not a useful feeling. Therapy is helping hut don't expect feelings to go away without time, grace, and relaxing with positive emotions. Good luck
At 42 it took me years to get here, my little one is 7 months, via IVF and I’m solo by choice but god I’m exhausted and I can’t help but shout at her when she moans continuously. She had colic and seems to cry on a scale of 0-100 in record time. She hasn’t been easy to look after, and I feel like an awful mother who simply does not deserve to have her.
Maybe you can talk to a professional life coach or therapist and see where the disconnect is...We all feel like we want to run away at any age of being a mother.. give yourself grace but I think it wouldn't hurt to get a professional involved and they help you to help yourself to actively work through these feelings ❤️ Hopefully you can lean on your support system now and you can ask for a break and they take over to help so you can do something nice and relaxing for yourself
No I don’t feel like that as I’m solo mum by choice via fertility treatment and only had a few shots at becoming a mum. However your feelings are most valid and need to be explored more. I’ve found that becoming a parent has brought up way more inner childhood stuff than I’d ever expected and you could be going through your version of this? I’d definitely recommend therapy again, especially as you’re seeking to escape. Don’t risk your sobriety for anything x
No but I am so tired! 44 with a teenager preschooler and baby. I just too tired 😫 to care or be in top of .t game. When I was 29 with first one so much energy so much enthusiasm and time!!!