I need advice about my stepson

He's 5 and I have very little experience with children this age so I'm just trying to gauge what's normal 5 year old behaviour and what's maybe more of a concern. He's such a sweet, but sensitive boy but in the last 3 weeks there's been 3 incidents that in my opinion are a bit alarming but I'd love to know if this would concern other people? Him and my 19 month old usually play really nicely together but recently he's bitten his face really hard. We were in the room next to them for literally less than 5 minutes, so we didn't see exactly what happened but when his dad spoke to him he said it was because he was scared (he was underneath the bed cover playing with his brother at the time). Then the following week he was getting annoyed and angry at his cousin for not sharing a toy in the garden, as I turned around to check on them he had found a brick in the garden and had it held above his head about to throw it at him. And this week he was in such a good mood but the TV stopped working and he admitted to punching it when we weren't looking. These things feel really out of character and I don't know if it's normal for his age? Or like a hormonal thing or what but would love to hear people's thoughts as I'm worrying about what's going on to make him behave like that.

Show your support

I’d say because of the age no that’s not normal behaviour, the biting especially would be a huge concern to me. He clearly has trouble handling his anger, might be nothing, but it may be worth speaking to a dr/school/nursery see if there is anything they can do to help

@Cotswoldmama thank you! I'll speak to his dad and see what he thinks as it feels like there's something going on. The biting really bothered me but obviously seeing teeth marks in your toddlers face for days is horrible so I wasn't sure if my reaction was a bit extra from a protective point of view!

My son turns 5 in 2 weeks. He has a tiny temper, but I can’t imagine him trying to throw a brick at somebody or punching the TV. Does your bonus son’s dad have a temper? Or maybe his mom?

@Katie his mum doesn't and his dad used to but he's been so much better at managing it for a while now, and he's got a lot better at how he deals with his son's big emotions, so it feels weird that this behaviour is happening now

@Shule He might take after dad. I have a huge temper & take after my own father. With your hubby getting better at managing his temper, maybe he can get little man doing the same. Maybe he can attempt karate 🥋 my Godson started at 5. It was very helpful

I have a 6 and 4 yr old and a lot of experience with this age nannying…I would find that concerning. 5yr olds can get upset and angry and need some guidance on how to express that, but they are much more cognitively aware of their behavior then 2-4…I wouldn’t immediately demonize it, stay solution focused. If it were me I would consider that children at 5 are still learning to regulate emotion and he may be having a really hard time with anger. Teaching coping skills, setting very clear boundaries and full supervision is necessary. Also if he has ADHD or any sensory issues that can add to the aggression when frustrated. I’d just consider all the factors. Does he have any person who struggles with anger or aggression around him? Or seen some inappropriate behavior on games or media? Have there been any changes in his life recently? Routine, friends, school, loss, additions? Is there potential jealousy? Help him have a go-to when angry. Ask him what he’s feeling + Teach him this:

https://youtu.be/ORRdf_nLc_I?feature=shared

@Tiff thats such a helpful reply, thank you! We're staying solution focused, it's just hard to know where to start when it's been so out of character for him so we'll definitely try implementing that video and doing some more reading around ways to help him regulate his emotions. He's not diagnosed with any sensory conditions but I have ADHD and definitely see traits in him so that's possibly a factor that amplifies his emotions. The thing I'm finding the hardest is he only displays these behaviours when no one is watching. Obviously we do our best to have eyes on him and his brother at all times, especially recently with the changes in behaviour but there's small moments here and there where it's just not possible. I think Dad will have another conversation with him this weekend and see if he can understand where it's coming from

@Shule No problem!! It’s good you’re aware and trying to figure it out. It’s hard to decipher things at that age! At least you guys are working together and hopefully it’s nothing too deep and he learns better coping skills 🤞🏼. You’re staying on it so that’s good! Give us an update later

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌