Would you call him out?

I'd say its probably the jealous thing, if he's a good dad he's probably trying to let his oldest not feel pushed out, not realising that actually he's trying to hard which in turn is leaving you and baby out. Maybe chat with him in a way he doesn't feel attacked or a bad dad but let him know that it upsets you and having a bond with both children without upsetting the oldest is OK. Maybe change up routine a little. Have a mum and older son day. Take him to the park and let dad sort baby. I'm sure it'll settle down in time 🩷🩷 x

I’d say just ask him, if it’s worth it.(as in you know in your heart that he wouldn’t lie to you leading to an unproductive conversation) Men are really really simple & sometimes as women we overthink & assume their intentions may be unhealthy and whole time they have some harmless reason. For example(unrelated): i noticed my guy didn’t tell me that our baby ran out of milk when I went to fix a bottle while at work. I immediately got upset about how careless I felt he was in that moment. However I called him & simply asked why he didn’t tell me. He said he forgot to tell me because he just went ahead and ordered more himself and that it was arriving shortly. So it’s possible that your guy isn’t doing this as intentionally as you may think. To answer your question directly, I wouldn’t “call him out” I would just simply express myself and ask, then I would tell him my wants/ expectations moving forward which will never be a problem for a man whom genuinely loves & has respect for a woman

I just think it's weird that he doesn't even take pics of the baby

The two month old is at that age where they only want mum. Does the baby cry whenever he holds it but instantly settle with you? The two year old will be actively seeking his attention but the 2 month old won’t be bothered, so I’d say give it time. I don’t think he’s being malicious at all, but if you need more help with the baby specifically then let him know.

My husband was similar with our daughter until she was about 4months old. I did EBF at first but then went to more bottles so that he could help (at his request to bond with her) but she still settled more on me and he found that really frustrating. He has much less patience generally and after work, he found it really hard if she was crying or sick on him. I really appreciated all of his effort with our son (also 2 years old) but he kept making out that he had the harder deal because he needed more energy, which would bother me. When he was holding the baby, I would try to give him advice without sounding too patronising, like ways to hold her etc. but it really just took a bit of time. Now she is laughing and engaging more, he is more interactive with her. I did make a comment when he had her the other day saying I didn't think he had held her for like three days. I tried to blame work and bedtime routine etc., but I think it got through a little!

Men can experience postpartum depression too. Think of when new moms can’t even look at their baby. I would validate this experience with him if he’s open to it or show him an article that talks about it if he isn’t too open with his feelings. There are podcasts out there too. This is a very common experience and most of the time it goes unnoticed, especially if the dads aren’t that hands on to begin with. You notice it because he is hands on. Therapy can help him work through whatever he is going through. PS I’m a therapist that works with post partum depression ( with both parents not just mom).

What was he like when the older child was younger ? 🙂

Honestly, I have a similar boat. I have a 13m old and a 3m old. My partner, when he’s home plays with our oldest but often doesn’t interact with the 3 month old unless I say hold her I have to do something. My man is a trucker and one thing to note about truckers, while they sit in a cab most days, their hands take a beating, they loose sensation in their hands. So while our youngest was born at 5 lbs and now 9 he feels like he’s gonna break/hurt her cause he can’t feel. I’d talk to him and ask him what’s going on, be gentle when asking him. And bring up examples. Like “hey honey, I’ve noticed your playing an awful lot with xxx and xxx hasn’t gotten much attention from you can we switch kiddos so our littlest can get some daddy time too” just be gentle and clearly and openly communicate your feelings on the matter.