Weird comments towards my son
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It's a pervasive part of western culture that is dying off with us and newer generations but the older ones still have it. It's also usually heteronormative. You're not alone in not liking it. It does also happen to kids and toddlers: when people see a boy and girl holding hands or being friends "oh, is that your girlfriend/boyfriend?" Even some people go as far as "give them a kiss!" Personally, I'd talk individually to people about it. Explain that it's strange and inappropriate to attribute sexual preferences or actions to an infant, and you do not like it and do not want it continuing to happen. Then go from there. It sucks but if they still brush you off you might have to limit or cut contact. Personally, if I was feeling petty, next time someone says something like "are you a boobs or ass man" to him I would respond with "he might like dicks" and then when they're uncomfortable you can go "see how i feel." They might also claim "i was just joking" I'd respond "aren't jokes supposed to be funny"
That’s really weird and your feelings are completely valid. Imagine if a man said that to a baby girl… no one would find that funny. It’s exactly the same. Next time they say that I would ask them straight out that
1. Yes it's weird. You are completely valid in thinking that. 2. If you want a way to go about talking to them that doesn't feel confrontational I would ask them to explain what they mean. Get them thinking about it and maybe express your thoughts on those comments by commenting on their reasoning behind what they said. Ex. "I didn't realize my x age baby was a man" "What if he is gay?" "I didn't know you were trying to set my baby up with someone already" Just something to get the idea across. You can ask this as passive aggressive or out of curiosity as you desire.
Something that also works for "jokes" is playing stupid and asking people to explain. It makes people think about what they're saying and usually make themselves uncomfortable or realize they're in the wrong.
No it's gross and you're not sensitive for not liking it.
In situations like this I really enjoy calling people out in a blunt commentary way such as “wow, that’s a strange thing to ask an infant.” Or “do you not think that’s inappropriate to say to a child?” And then just carry on with another conversation so they have to think about it without turning it into a whole confrontation
This is really weird and I would call them out.. literally just say.. ‘please don’t make inappropriate comments towards my baby’ and if this continues I would then decline them holding him and when they ask then you can say that you have asked them to stop making comments and they haven’t and that it may not seem a big deal to them but that it makes you really uncomfortable.
I hate that and I would definitely correct them. "Because he is a baby. He like boobs because he is a baby" "he can't be a ass man or boobs men because he is not a man. He is a baby". And just look at their ignorant faces. I m now so done to smile to stupid things that are said. Now I correct them in front of my baby and I will keep doing it so he knows that those comments are not OK. And also I wouldn't let anyone who sexualize my baby/kid around my baby unsupervised. Just gives me normalized pedo vibes
Hey! I’ve got some response ideas to try and make THEM feel uncomfy and realize it’s not cool. Operation flip it around and shut that shit down!! 1. What a weird comment. Thats such a strange thing to say to an infant. Call them out 2. What do you mean by that? Why would you say that? Forcing them to explain themselves makes them understand how out of pocket they sound. 3. That’s not funny. 😐 Flat out let them know you don’t find it funny and it’s not a cool thing to say. Usually if you say something like this with a calm deadpan face they get embarrassed that their joke didn’t get laughs… it’s especially effective if the nobody in the room laughs or you two are by yourselves. Let them sit in the silence of their embarrassment Also don’t be afraid to deny access to your child. People don’t NEED to hold your baby. Hurt feelings are less important than the safety and comfort of your child.
That's why I also hate the onesies saying, "lover boy" like wtf . I wouldn't tolerate those comments at all, but I also wouldn't know what to say on the spot 🫠
someone in the family has called my son “sexy”. i brushed it off that time.. because i know they’ll twist it & say i’m weird for thinking that’s weird. it didn’t happen again but if it did, i would’ve said something the second time. you are your baby’s advocate/voice. i have to learn to step up for my baby even if it’s uncomfortable for me.
Things of this nature make me uncomfortable and it's never from the mouths of strangers. It's not harmless sexualising a baby, a child or anyone's behaviours, how do they conceive it in their minds and allow their mouths to speak it. Even down to asking my 6 and 7 year olds if they have have girlfriends/boyfriends. The way child abuse/explotation was green lighted back then is atrocious this verbage could be interpreted as grooming. 🤮🤢 That's why babysitters and sleepovers will always be out the question, family or not!
It’s hard trying to change the generation above us for sure. They grew up thinking it’s okay to say/joke around like that so I understand what you mean. Can you find a video that explains this being wrong and send it to them like a forwarded WhatsApp clip. Older generations usually believe things they here from WhatsApp esp if an “expert” is speaking
@Yessi Naomi omg yes they were everywhere around valentine's. So gross
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My mum calls my baby a flirt loads and I keep saying he's not flirting he's a baby. I feel like she's starting to get the message as last time she went yes I know if a bit of a sad voice 🙈
Pointing out how much it is FOOD seems to do the trick. Unless that itself becomes the basis for dilemmas and seems to throw their pervy beanie brains inside out… then that’s certainly more annoying.
I'd address it. One time my baby was smiling and saying hi to a strange man who had said hi to her and my mIL asked, "are you flirting with this man?" And without missing a beat i said "she's a baby. She's being friendly. No she is not flirting with this grown adult." And later she did apologize and we were able to have a solid conversation about why i wasnt okay with it and it hasn't happened since.
Thank you to everyone who has chimed in and given me advice—too many to reply to individually, but I appreciate it! It can be difficult to rock the boat and speak up when I am very outnumbered. But if I don’t, no one will, and my son deserves an advocate. I decided that next time it comes up, I will say something firm and direct to stop the behavior. The generation before us has such different ways of doing things!
@Emily hoping that it doesn’t happen again so you wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward conversation. 🫂 you got this mama! we have to protect our babies.
I agree the comments are definitely weird, as a mom I’ve learned to always voice how you feel because you’re also their little voice for setting boundaries also.