need some help

my baby is 7 months old and has separation anxiety. my bd was physically abusive and we broke up before baby was born but remained “friends”. last month, he got physical again and blamed me for it, so now we have minimal contact. he wants to see our baby in a couple days but my lo cries with people other than me (this includes my bd) and none of my family and friends is willing to bring baby to my bd. i don’t want to see him but i do want baby to have a relationship with him. i also don’t want to go the legal route as bd isn’t on birth certificate and i don’t want him to be. he pays a lot more child support than he needs to, hence why i haven’t blocked him. what should i do when meeting him, any ideas about what type of places and what to do about babies anxiety.

Show your support

Is there a friend willing to at least go with you? I would suggest public spaces... maybe a shopping mall or a restaurant. If you do a meal, time is limited and there are definitely people around. I wouldn't let him in your home or go to his. I realize that you want to make sure your baby has a relationship with him. But, is there any chance he would be abusive towards her? While you may need the child support, safety should take priority. At 7 months baby is going to be attached to you... it's a normal part of development to have stranger anxiety with anyone other than familiar adults at this point...I'm sorry I don't have any advice for this. Hoping for the best ❤️

I'd say absolutely refuse unless it's somewhere public. Libraries have little play areas usually so I'd say maybe there, plus there will be other people present in the building. You can show up first and quietly play getting baby comfortable there for a few then let him show up and see them. I wouldn't leave him alone w the baby tho personally or let him convince you two to go anywhere alone w him after, lie and say you have to go somewhere after. Also this sounds kinda awful and tbe fact that you have to be around him at all is awful. I'm sorry a family member or friend can't step in and do that for you. Side note I fucking hate abusers. It never is just once or just twice and I fucking hate the court system too because if a man will put hands on anyone out of violence anger or any dumbass reason why wouldn't he hurt a child ? I can't believe the way its set up w court that women (even me) know that there is no way to protect our kids from this shit legally so we have to choose to involve ourselves...

... into fucked up situations or jump through hoops trying to think of ways to keep a man included in a baby or child's life when frankly he doesn't deserve to be there. I'm sorry if that rant is not even helpful to the situation 😔 it's just so frustrating to me that people can hurt other people and get treated like they deserve relationships w small precious beings. Maybe you disagree with me. But back to the point, just be as safe as you can be and don't be alone w him anymore

@ren This, my experience is that they at some point start in on the children. Because they are weaker and need to display that control

@Mimi yep my thoughts exactly. And if it's not physical abuse. It's mental/emotional. And if it's not now, it's later. But again what can we do besides do just what we can to be cautious, b.c court is more focused on "equal rights" than mental physical wellbeing of the little ones in my opinion

I haven’t put my BD in the birth certificate and now if he wants to see my child he can just get in contact with child services. Child services will protect your baby . I don’t think any amount of money is fine to forgive the abuse. And always remember that someone that abuse a woman, will at some point abuse a kid

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌