Am I being ungrateful and selfish

I’m going to now start paying for the gas and electric it’s something we kind of just decided. I agreed reluctantly.

Have you looked up childcare in your area? I would show him that cost and tell him to pay you

Your work is worth so much more! He just has no clue, wthell

Sorry, I thought I was clicking he’s being selfish. You’re not!

You deserve a break and some time for yourself. You literally just had a baby and are doing unpaid labor. If your fiancé has a problem, he needs to find a nanny and let you go back to work. Its unfortunate that men have no respect for contributions to the house, like you agreed to this in the beginning where I would need to depend on you so now give me money so I can take care of myself!

I understand the need for time for yourself absolutely but if money is already tight and paying bills is a source of stress, I don't understand paying for monthly massages

Does he do anything for himself? If he doesn’t then maybe he’s projecting wanting to do something for himself imo. You could try saying what if I have this one thing, and you have this one thing? That way you’re both getting some self love in, you know?

Orrrr if you guys are just making bills and it’s even lil extra I wouldn’t push it for now I’d wait til you had money to spare

I could never be in a relationship that I live like a boarder and have to account for what I’m paying for it’s either your in it together and bills just get paid, food on the table etc not who pays for what … no offence but that sucks

I have to agree with the comments above. Ive been with my OH for 17 years, since we were 16, and even throughout university, before we were married, everything was simply paid. It didn't matter if it was my money or his. And now we have a family, we both work, we both raise the kids, we both own our house, all our money goes into the same things. It really doesn't matter who pays for what. In terms of booking a spa/beauty treatment, as much as i love having those, i would never prioritise it over paying for childcare/bills/mortgage or if we had an expensive month with the boys. That all comes first. I do maybe one thing like that a year. I could do more, but our kids and the house has to come first and i always ask if it's ok. I can't imagine handling money any other way. Ignoring the fact i earn less than him and work less hours for the sake of the house and kids, it wouldn't work.

@Kirsty well said sis 🙌🏼

All of you literally missed the entire point of this post. One, there is no money struggle so everyone who mentioned it, yall only did that to make this mom feel bad. Two, clearly its the husband who is mad that he needs to put down more money in bills even tho the mom is putting money down for baby necessities so he clearly has no respect for how she provides for her child. Three, the mom is the main careprovider, if mom is not okay mentally or physically then the baby is not okay. If a monthly massage is what helps mom reset then she should be able to get one. She doesn’t even need to spend a ridiculous amount to get it done, even the husband can do that for her. But it’s the lack of care of her needs that she is upset about. Instead what happens? He makes her pay more house bills to make it “even”. There is no such thing as even when it comes to marriage. Everything is shared. So you should all save your sorry ass comments about money when clearly the point flew over yall heads

@Rebecca did i miss a load of information that you received? What i can see, is that they seem to have the mentality of "you pay for x and I will pay for y" rather than just pooling their funds and making sure everything gets paid. She has also implied that she is not getting much SMP while she is on mat leave which implies they are currently on a lower monthly wage than usual? I would love a massage once a month but that would eat in the money i have available for the boys. Once all the essentials are paid for, then you can look at booking things for yourself. The take from what the OP has said is that they split money rather than working as a team and that they are currently on a reduced income. In which case, if money is tight, then it's not the ideal time to spend £50+ on a massage?

If you guys are struggling to live currently then yes expecting a monthly massage would be selfish - If you’ve got money spare then yes I think that’s fine! We join our salaries together, take out everything for all bills, food shopping etc and then split what’s left to use as we please!

Not selfish! You should be a team now and his earnings should be yours too in my opinion

@Kirsty She literally commented that she now has to pay for more bills from her already small income, this is nothing to do with her its her husband that is making her take on “more” responsibility. And you’re here judging her because she is stressed and needs some time for herself, and clearly you didnt even read my whole comment cause you clearly got offended and needed to respond. Her husband can very easily give her a massage, its just a matter of listening to your wife. So maybe learn how to read? The whole point of her comment literally went over your head. You should be giving her husband that speech and stop shaming this mom who clearly needs more help which is something her husband is lacking.

@Rebecca no where in the original post did OP say she wanted a massage from her OH. A massage from your OH and paying for a professional one are two different things. Unless i misinterpreted the post, it seems to be about money, the way things are paid for while she is on a reduced income, and wanting a beauty treatment like a massage once a month. You made a lot of assumptions in your comments, which the OP hasn't. I understand the point you are trying to make but you have jumped to conclusions. I wasn't offended by your comment. But for your benefit i have reread OP and your comment in case i missed something, but i dont think i have. I think everyone on here is agreeing with OP that it isn't ideal the way her OH wants to split bills, especially while she is in SMP. But the point of wanting a professional massage while you are on reduced income wouldn't be the best use of money. If this post is about wanting a massage from your partner, then it's to do with intimacy not money. Thats a different response.

@Rebecca i think you have interpreted the post in a different way and that's ok, but your reaction to everyone else's comments isn't fair. On a worldwide poll, you are asking for opinions and you shouldn't be angry about people giving their opinions.

@Rebecca nobody is judging anyone what are you on about lol