I’m drowning in postpartum depression and I wish I had a best friend for times like this 😔 (long vent)

I’m 24 years old and I have a 5 year old daughter, an almost 2 year old son, and a 3 month old daughter. I lost my job last week, got married 3 days ago (was already planned), it’s so hard to find an apartment and I’m living with family, I’m failing college, and I’m absolutely drowning in postpartum depression. I think about suicide and cutting myself again often. I feel like I’m not a good mom, I’m separating myself from God, I feel like I can never catch a break, and I don’t even have words for how I truly feel. I just sit in my room and cry. The only way I get through life now is by telling myself “in another life after I die God will put me back on this earth and I’ll be happy” and drinking wine literally all day long. I’m an introvert and it’s so hard for me to make girlfriends… the only friend I have I’ve known since I was 3, but she has a husband and 3 kids now so I don’t talk to or see her anymore. At this point, the cries for help aren’t working and talking to a therapist is pointless. These days I wish I would just fall asleep and not wake up because I know if you take your own life you go to hell… let it happen naturally so I can make it to heaven to watch over my babies 🙁