Anyone else not adjusting as easily as they thought they could?
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@Lina there’s not anything that really helps me because he says he’ll do whatever I ask him to do but he hardly gets to the tasks because he works 8-10 hour shifts as a blue collar worker so he’s just so damn tired when he gets home he just wants to at least spend time with our daughter before she goes to bed. And after she’s asleep he wants to shit, eat, shower (if there’s time) and dick around on video games and all I want to do is cry in bed cause I’m so over life and motherhood and feeling alone. He tries, but he doesn’t at the same time. I don’t need help/advice on medication‘s because I have been on meds after meds after meds for 10 years just to realize that they make me more sick and incapable of living normally. I’m already in therapy. I’ve been in therapy since I was 8 years old. But there’s only so much you can say in a weekly hour therapy session. And it’s not like weekends are better bc we’re at each other’s throats the whole three nights and two days cause we’re opposites
Sounds like you need a break, I’m really sorry! Have you tried talking to him on the weekend when he’s had a good sleep about those tasks? Sounds like you’re doing way more than him and its his daughter too. I find when I had some me time and did stuff just for myself it helps me to feel better and fill up my cup. If he has time to play video games every now and then you deserve time to do what makes you happy. You can’t be expected to function like a robot at all times ❤️
I related way to much to everything you were saying about being a mom and about how your partner treats you but it also start with the foundation that was built so if he’s not good to you the way you deserve to be then everything else is going to feel like it’s caving in😕
I don’t want to give generic advice because I genuinely feel your pain through this screen. Motherhood is HARD most mums in this day and age struggle, because of lack of support for the MUM. I can see you’ve tried meds and don’t have a super helpful village atm. Is there anyone who can support you in getting a little more consistency? perhaps have a joint call with a baby specialist and your partner/ caregivers to help them also get on the same page as you Also is there anyway you can cope on one job? Just for the time being so you can get that control over the little ones routine etc. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. The fact you are trying your best makes you an excellent mum hoping and praying you find the strength to keep going please don’t give up! X
@Lina I try talking to him on the weekends but it turns into a fight cause he over explains and has to have the last word and so do I. we’re both stubborn. And the fight just goes ROUND and ROUND and ROUND…. I have no problem having his parents watch her over the weekend if they’re available but that doesn’t really end up being super great. When he plays video games I try my best to do what I can to “fill my cup” but nothing really does anymore I just lay in bed and cry and cry and cry and hope I get sleep. It’s to the point where I don’t get any comfort from my comfort shows and my mind just races and races or it feels like my mind is just white noise in brain and I just end up depressed.
@veronica exactly… we’re in counseling but idk if it’ll do any good. I’m trying to have an open mind!
@Sara yes that’s exactly what I told our pediatrician. She wanted to go over the PPD and PPA survey that they give every mom, and I told her we have wonderful support for the baby but for me as the mom don’t have much support. And I told her my family is toxic and I’m close with his family but I try to keep them close but with a lil distance out of respect for my boyfriend. I’m working so much I can’t establish a good sleep/feeding daytime schedule for my baby even if I sit my mom down and tell her to try to stick to feeding her every 4-5 hours and to let her sleep so late for a nap like try to wake her up by 1:30 at the latest and 1 at the earliest. My boyfriend and I were talking about my work situations and schedules.. so I think starting in June, I think I’m gonna try my best to cut down my hours at one job even tho it’s all connected through my family and yeah… I’m terrified…. I appreciate all your advice! I really am trying to a great mom.
Lovely you are doing an amazing job! Being a mum a SO hard and knkwing really gets it unless they’ve stepped into the shoes of being the primary caretaker. ❤️
Definitely should have a very open mind 🥰 things get hard but at least you are both taking the step to try and fix it… my partner thinks counseling money could be spent elsewhere…
@veronica mine too but once I mentioned it’s for our daughter. I told him she deserves being raised by both parents who can communicate decently cause that will be the foundation for her communication skills and how she communicates to every single person that comes into her life also told him I will not marry you if you refuse to at least try therapy for a bit.
@Lina I’m trying so so so much but all I do is fail… I try not to. I just wish someone in my life that’s not my therapist would let me talk about my postpartum journey… but all I get is a disgusted face and HARSH judgement by my mom and sister and they (specifically my mother) snatches my baby on my arms and tells me I’m being abusive when all I did was say “Ruby baby… please… honey, try to sleep I’m tired… you’re tired” plus over stimulated with her inconsolable for almost a whole two and half hours because she literally was asleep but suddenly woke up cause we’re visiting my grandma this weekend so probably scared and didn’t know where she was on top of teething 😭
I am really sorry you’re going through this! ❤️ What do you struggle the most with the baby? I found the mental load really challenging and its often invisible to partners and anyone else. The constant needing to be “on” is exhausting, so I feel you! I find that asking my partner to take over complete tasks like always feed the dog, manage the trash, ensure there is always enough nappies and wipes available, that kind of thing, helps me. I canmt offer advice regarding meds but I think talking to someone always helps. I’m sure you can get a referral for talking therapy from your gp. It does get better though!