Does your partner help at night?

I totally feel you on this. My husband is an electrician and works long hours. From the beginning, I figured that I would take the night hours since he returned back to work after 3 weeks, and i would have to get used to doing the night hours anyway. I also figured that since his job can be dangerous and he is a terrible sleeper (while i thankfully am not), it was important that he get a good night sleep. While on his leave, he would take our baby during the day in order to let me sleep whenever I could. Now that he is back to work, he is more tired and agitated, though i feel like he is trying to help when he can. I don't know if this helps, but I usually try to think about it from his perspective as well. For him, he works long hours, has to carry the financial burden, and is forced to miss precious time and potential first milestones with our baby. Of course, there are times when I feel resentment of his freedom and his ability to sleep but honestly, this is a tough time for both parents in a dif way.

Mine works from home and I do try my best not to disturb him in the day. I would never go up to his office but he sometimes pops down if he’s got a free minute. For now, he sleeps in a back bedroom as he’s a light sleeper and our little one disturbs him. When she wakes for a feed, I go into his room and just ask for a bottle. I comfort her while he fetches it and he comes in and feeds her. It’s only 20 odd minutes and I think it’s important he has his ‘thing’ with her and bonds with her too. If I know he has a lot on or is particularly tired I won’t fetch him and he’s always happy when I do that for him. Our LO wakes at 6:30 some mornings and he will take her for an hour so I can sleep on before he starts work. Granted mine’s at home and not doing any physical work, but I’ve been really impressed with how supportive he’s been. We’re also doing shared leave as I need to go back to work after 6 months as we need my salary.

My husband helped while he was on paternity leave but it was our agreement when he went back to work I would do the night time get ups because I could snooze in the day when my daughter napped. It’s what worked for us. It was hard when I went back to work because I had made it clear that I wouldn’t be doing night times alone when both work full time. But he now shares nighttime get ups with me.

I’m sorry you’re feeling resentful, that’s really hard. Do you feel able to talk to your partner about this? He might surprise you and be willing to compromise. My partner and I every couple of months reevaluate what we are doing as I feel like month on month our baby changes so much and so do our needs. Currently my husband will get up with her before midnight or after 6am (before he goes to work) so that I can get a least one lot of continuous sleep. We also try to have a night each week (that works for my husband with his work) where he’ll take on more of the night wake ups so I get at least one night with a decent amount of sleep. Honestly though I think it’s always better to communicate as feeling resentful is horrible. Being a parent is incredibly hard so being well rested can make such a huge difference even if it’s just one day a week!

My LO has expressed breastmilk, but I take a bottle to bed in a cooler bag ready for his first night feed. I express whilst feeding, so when I go downstairs to empty pumps, I grab his next bottle to put in the cooler bag. This way he isn't crying for long. Whilst my partner was on paternity, he would do any feeds before 1am and I'd do after 1am. Since he has gone back to work, I do all night feeds (usually 2-3).

my partner doesn’t help, this is by choice - this is due to my baby being EBF. i don’t see the point in waking my partner up just to do a nappy change. he will happily help when is home, if he’s home before my little one goes to bed which is rare. he helps throughout the day if he’s gets a weekend off, or a sunday off. but i do 95% myself as i really don’t mind, i’d rather my partner come home & relax on his game than anything else. but he will always help if i ask, day or night.

My partner doesn’t help at night. I do have the bottles with water in the room and the formula. When baby wakes up I put the formula in and mix. Change diaper, feed baby and back to sleep.

My partner does the 8-midnight shift to give me a block of sleep and I take over from midnight. For context he is out of the house for work from 7-5 and our baby is 8 weeks old. It's working for us right now but will look at changing it when baby gets older. We sleep in separate rooms currently too so he can get quality sleep before work. He will take baby more at the weekend but I breastfeed so sometimes that's tricky. If I ever feel resentful I try to remember that everything is a phase and baby will change so quickly.

@Deborah formula develops bacteria verrry quickly… I wouldn’t be advertising this as a recommendation to new mums.

@Taylor I hear you

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Him going back to work is *not* the excuse he thinks it is. Unless he’s doing something that literally would kill someone if he was a bit tired, he can pull his weight with night time parenting. If men can show up to work with a hangover, they can show up to work with some broken sleep. I am so fed up of hearing about men who can’t seem to understand that being at home with the baby *is hard work*. My husband is a doctor and he continued to wake during the night for our baby. His view was that my rest was *more* important than his, because I was responsible during the day for our precious baby. He couldn’t stand the idea of me having to do that while sleep-deprived.

My husband doesn’t help at night. However, on his days off I have started asking him to put the baby to sleep so I could rest uninterrupted after his last feed. Especially if it’s only a 10 minute ask, I feel like you should just ask him to do it. It’s not worth being resentful for something that is not much of a sacrifice for him to just do when it is a huge help to you

Our son was bottle fed and until 5 months I expressed too. During that time, I'd make the bottle while my husband changed the nappy. Then I expressed and he did the feed and put baby back to sleep. Our daughter is bf so it's not very easy but he'll do the nighttime nappy change and then I'll feed her

My husband helps out a lot. I have had a traumatic birth and I am still recovering. If I don't get help and push through, I am in absolute agony for the next few days. So our main goal is just to work as a team so I can recover properly and return to my job next year which is quite physical. My husband works 9-5, and works 1/2x a week from home. We split the week, so he does the nights the night before he works from home and on weekends. The other person always wakes up when the little on is shouting to console her/change the nappy while the other one is making the bottle. Whenever one is with the baby the other one is doing house chores, that's when he's not working. On a break, or at home in the morning or evening.