Vent/ need advice

I’m a 24 year old first time mom to a 10 month old baby. I always wanted kids young and have always wanted a family. But, once my bf and I had one he started going out to clubs and being very lustful (don’t want to get all into it). And it’s really affected so much in such a negative way. First it ruined my self esteem, especially it happening so early PP I felt like I didn’t play my cards right and felt trapped to stay. And not having the friends to go out with, him not inviting me out, me exclusively breastfeeding, pp anxiety, I felt so trapped and it almost made me rebel against motherhood in a way. I dont know if this is normal, the guilt is insane, I NEVER expected to feel this way about motherhood. The societal pressure on moms is insane and it’s sooo unfair. I hate it and I’m so crushed that I hate it. My relationship, which I’m now out of, has completely tainted my experience as a mother. I feel so guilty and like this has caused me to feel disconnected from my baby. Is this normal? Please be brutally honest, I dont know anyone who’s felt this way. I miss my old life, I wish my partner and I could be the same, I hate having to sacrifice so much and I absolutely hate how badly my partner started treating me after having a baby. It’s devastating, it’s very hard for me to cope with at times, am I weak? Or do things just weigh heavier on me than others? Is this postpartum or just my own individual experience?

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I understand exactly what you are feeling. 💖 It will get better I swear. If you want to talk I'm here for you !!

I really missed the freedom at the start too. I think it’s normal. And with all that going on in your relationship I don’t blame you. My daughter is 2 now and a bit more independent (as in not breastfeeding and she plays on her own quite well) and I don’t feel that way anymore. She sleeps at her grandparents once a week too so we get a sleep in and can go out on date night or with my girlfriends. It gets easier and better, but it’s definitely very hard for the first year or so 💞

Second time mom here 🙋🏻‍♀️ I feel like how HARD motherhood is is not talked about enough. And not having a supportive partner makes it SO MUCH HARDER. We become completely new people when we become mothers but things can stay the same for our partners, and it’s easy to feel resentful for this (towards your partner AND your baby). How you are feeling IS normal, it’s sooo normal to want your old life back. Try to focus on taking care of yourself and your baby and I promise you will start to feel like yourself again. Self care is key even if it feels selfish, your baby needs the best version of you.

Totally feel the same way!

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