How do you speak during meltdowns?

followed for the advice. struggling with the same thing! my 2 and a half year old is a very dominant child at home. its his way or no way. if his younger brother or his cousin takes his toys, hell run over to them, push them and snatch the toys out of their hands and say ‘mine!’ no matter how many times iv told him off and sat down with him trying to explain to him why he did what he did was wrong he just doesnt listen and im at my whits end with his tantrums😩

I don’t. They can’t hear you anyways and it makes it worse for mine. The most I’ll say is “I’m here when you need me” and just wait it out.

When it comes to hitting I say “hitting is mean” and leave the room. That normally makes her loose it harder but she’ll stop me as say she wants to be nice and I’ll have her give a hug or apologize and we move on.

If I was in your position, I would reassure my child and let him know that it’s okay to feel frustrated or angry, but that kicking and throwing isn’t the right way to deal with those emotions. He is still developing the ability to verbalize his emotions, and until he does, he’s just doing it in the only way he knows how. Help him get into the habit and learn how to regulate those emotions in a healthier way. Maybe when you notice he is getting upset you can stop and take deep breaths with him? It will likely take him a while to automatically resort to that when he’s upset, but if you keep at it, eventually he will take deep breaths on his own to calm down I read a lot during my pregnancy and this book called “the book you wish your parents had read (and your children will be glad you did)” has given me lots of insight on certain things. If you also went through a lot in your childhood, and you don’t want your child to feel the way you did growing up, I highly recommend checking it out!

If it’s a true meltdown; 1.) the child isn’t choosing to behave that way, it’s how their tiny brain is able to react 2.) they need co regulation, not immediate words. If my son is kicking during a meltdown, I physically move myself so no kicks can land; we even keep a spare teddy bear in our car, (right under our lil one’s car seat) to be able to redirect our feet and hands to. For us the frame work we operate under is •co-regulate / get to a safe space to be upset; use minimal words at first. •relate / try to understand (and maybe verbalize) why the big feelings exist •reason / explain how we’ll move past this moment & or what to expect next, if you actually strike your kiddos reasoning part of their brain, there may be mild negotiations but that’s a step towards problem solving skills & conflict resolution! This account does a great job at touching on all this https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHbvNQxPLUN/?igsh=cHZjb2NjeWMwdjcx

This website looks helpful too! Best of luck to you 🫶🏻 https://momtessorilife.com/2022/11/30/why-does-my-toddler-throw-things-and-what-can-i-do-about-it/amp/

Honestly, I just wait it out, I've always done it, and I can say my sons fits last, maybe a minute, 2 minutes tops. Once he's done, I open my arms and say, "Do you need a hug, I'm sorry you were upset." The one time he has done it in public, I picked him up, and we went to the car. Nothing said, but "well, we can try again another day then." He's almost 2, and that has been our only public meltdown, and I get why he was frustrated. He wanted to play in the area set up for the Easter bunny, and he couldn't. I would have wanted to play there too.

I've also always removed myself if he tries to kick or hit me when he's mad. I tell him "No thank you, that hurts mommy, so I'm going to go in *insert a different room*"

I just wait till he's calmer and offer something else we can do or want. Redirecting his attention

Your only jobs during a meltdown are to keep them safe and be calm and let them know you are there and can handle their emotions. In that instance I’d move the truck out of reach. I’m guessing he’s a toddler who doesn’t have impulse control yet. There’s nothing bad/wrong about what you said, but it’s just that his brain isn’t capable of not doing that again given the right set of circumstances, you know. In calm moments you just start modeling what we do with our big feelings. It takes a long, long time before they will be able to regulate themselves; just keep letting him “borrow your calm.” Nurtured First on Instagram is a great account for this type of thing. Good inside/Dr. Becky as well.

Following for the same. I try but my partner looses his temper much much faster

My son did the same & I hated it. Then I remembered how when I was like 12 & lost my shit i went in the fridge, took out the carton of eggs, went outside & threw them at the gate & felt better lol. Now obviously I don't want to waste food & money lol so I ordered plastic eggs & small toys from dollar tree. When he'd get angry & throw shit I'd say " you know that would make me angry too, I'm going to go outside & throw stuff because I'm so angry". He'd join me & forget what he was angry about bc he's too busy looking for the toys. Also he's allowed to throw his stuffed animals in his room only as long as he cleans them up after. Also got him a blowup punching bag & boxing gloves. Anger is a natural emotion so I try to get him to express it in a healthy way without hurting anyone or himself. Doesn't always work but it's definitely worth a try. Sometimes i just wait it out & give him space till hed calm down & we usually hug it out after

Ignore the bad behavior as they usually look for a reaction. I taught my daughter some meditation so we breathe until the crying/hyperventilating passes and then we talk through it. I also remind her I can’t help or understand her if she can’t talk so I’ll wait as long as it takes until she’s ready

Thank you for this advice ladies. I have a 2 year old and going through this as well.

A lot of people may not agree with this, but I tell my son to pull it together which means take a deep breath, calm down and then we talk about it if it’s like a True tantrum so he can breathe and tell me what’s wrong. It’s not me telling him he cannot show his emotions he knows he can. It’s just take a breath so I can understand you and then usually that works so we’re able to talk otherwise I tell him to take a break and when he has it together, we can talk about it.

Support and allow the feelings, but maintain boundaries in a loving way. " im not going to allow you kick me or your toys" remove yourself /toys away and let the feelings come

I hug him with my hand in the back of his neck and his face in my chest. I try and tell him I get he's feeling sad but we don't kick. My son didn't talk at two so there was a lot of firm hugs, removing from situation and distractions.

@Parker 又 100% agree!

Child therapist here! I think it first helps to realize that toddlers don’t do things on purpose/because they want to be bad. usually their behavior is because they don’t know how to control their feelings:emotions or can’t communicate. How can we expect a small child to control their emotions when 30, 40, 50 year olds can’t. We need to be realistic about our expectations for small children. In short, I would recommend calming yourself first VERY IMPORTANT (deep breaths) then responding to your child. You can help them label their emotions “youre angry” (the less words the better) and then help them regulate their emotions ( I usually take my son outside or sometimes even practice deep breathing). As a parent I know this is challenging but all we can do is try our best and I know youre trying your best because youre asking for advice. Wishing you the best

I recently purchased a feelings book and some cool down cubes that has occasionally helped my 2 year old. Feelings Flip https://a.co/d/0xRGVrm I love that it has some visuals and various feelings with actions that can be done when they feel those feelings. Learning Resources Cool Down Cubes https://a.co/d/1XTRbRO