Just a little rant

Im pregnant again and the morning sickness is worst then my last baby, I feel like I’m starving all the time but I can’t eat in fear it’ll come up (like I literally can’t make myself swallow food) I did go to the hospital afew times for some anti nausea meds but they only last for for afew hours then im back to feeling like ass. I haven’t seen a gp yet i don’t know I just can’t bring myself to I’ve been thinking about aborting but I think it’ll just make me feel worst. I feel so stressed out me and my partner stopped smoking Mary Jane as well and the stress really isn’t helping my “morning” sickness and im just moodier which is making me not think so clearly im just so lost and so scared not of my partner but of myself I know I know I should speak to a therapist and gp i do plan to but every time I make an appointment I just end up barfing up the same day and feel to weak to go anywhere and I’ve always felt shame for expressing my feelings and struggles it’s a lot easier being anonymous than dealing with anxiety