Vent/advice

Hello! I am 24 years old and I have an almost 10 month old baby. I’m having a really hard time understanding if I’m going through some type of postpartum or if I’m just reacting to my environment. I ended up having to get a c section after 40+ hours in labor, my sons father is a firefighter and returned to work 2 weeks after and he also started paramedic school while we were in the hospital. From very early on he started going to clubs, took a trip to Vegas (pretty sure he cheated), and just really started treating me poorly. I was so vulnerable because it all happened within the first 3 months of my sons life so I didn’t just want to walk away, I was thinking about my baby, also my family lives in a different city so I would have to relocate with a newborn. I was also exclusively breastfeeding. Anyways it really came crushing down on me, I lost friends, no one was really there for me and I felt like he and his friends were making fun of me in such a vulnerable time. I’ve turned into this angry person, I had no respect in my relationship, he would disappear, go out till crazy hours, talked to his friends about other girls. Now looking back I see how I was put in such a shit situation and it’s really affected the way I view motherhood. I hate it so much, I’ve almost become unattached to my son because of it. I’m drowning constantly, I honestly feel like I haven’t had time to even sit and focus on me because I’m just worrying about what he was doing. I’ve become very physical with my ex, I started breaking things, I mean I lost it honestly. I haven’t processed anything, and yet he says he deserves better and I agree I haven’t gone about things the right way but I can’t help but feel like this is me reacting to everything that’s been going on. I’m not sure if I should get on medication or get the hell away from him. I’m very confused and I feel like I’m being manipulated but I really don’t have a strong head on my shoulders right now. If this would’ve happened before the baby.. it wouldn’t have I would’ve shit it down IMMEDIATELY. Can someone give me some guidance??