in September 2024 Babies 🇬🇧

Really struggling and having a rough time 😢

Am I literally the only horrible person in this whole world who feels as though I made a mistake by having my baby. It absolutely breaks my heart for even thinking it then saying it out loud but I can’t change the way I feel. I’ve always wanted kids since I was a little girl but as I grew up I changed my mind and I didn’t want any anymore. I fell pregnant, it was unplanned but I’m with the love of my life and I was trying to decide what to do for ages but I just ended up going ahead with it. However I’ve regretted it more times than not. My baby is now 6 months old and I’m just really having a hard time at the moment, she’s always been an easy and lovely baby but she’s going through something that’s making her whinge and cry non stop and I’m losing my patience and mind. I’ve also been reminiscing about my life before her and I miss it so much. I miss having freedom, doing what I want when I want and mostly I miss having me time. Just going out and doing something simple by myself. My partners life didn’t change as much as mine, he gets to go and do what he wants and I resent him for it although it’s not his fault. I’m tied down because I’m breastfeeding and baby doesn’t take the bottle so I can’t go out any longer than 3 hours max but even then on the weekends my partner goes out and does things as he’s working in the week and he needs to let his hair down so I’m just stuck with the baby just like I am in the week. I feel so trapped in this forever and I just feel so sad that there’s literally nothing I can do to get out of it because I have a responsibility for the rest of my life now. And I just wish I didn’t as awful as that sounds. I feel like I’m a terrible person and mum for saying these things and I don’t even deserve to have my baby. I think I also have postpartum rage because I’m just so angry ALLLL THE TIME. Just having a rant really, I just feel so horrible about feeling this way and regretting my decision of having her because I feel so stuck and miserable. But at the same time I love her to bits so it’s very contradicting. I hope it’s going to get better at some point because right now I feel as though I don’t want to carry on anymore because I physically can’t, I’m exhausted both mentally and physically.

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Your feelings are so so valid and so normal! Ive had thoughts like this. Motherhood is so hard in the early years. Don't feel bad for thinking those thoughts - everything has changed for you that's gonna be really hard. The thing that helps me is just remembering that being needed so much right now is so temporary. Just think by the time Christmas comes round you probably won't be breastfeeding (definitely not every 3 hours anyway) you'll be sleeping loads more. Baby will probably be in nursery and will be way more independent. You will be able to get a babysitter and have more time for yourself. Even by the time it gets to the end of the summer things will be massively different. You'll get through the next 6 months and things will be so different. I've been listening to a book called motherkind on Spotify on walks etc - it's really helped me with these sorts of thoughts and feelings. Xx

It sounds like your partner could help a bit more on weekends, but your feelings are valid and don’t make you a horrible person. It won’t last forever, just a few more months and then baby will never need you as much as she does now. Is it worth considering whether you might have a bit of PPD as well? You might not and you might just be feeling the normal frustrations of motherhood but it’s worth considering so you can get help if so

Like Sofi said, the way you feel is sooooo valid! I have days where I’m absolutely in bits because there’s so much I need to do but I just can’t because I’m tied down with the baby and her dad gets to go on like normal when our lives are completely turned upside down! But again it is soooo temporary and I regret not enjoying the newborn stage more because things change soooo quickly week by week. Sending love mama because it’s not spoken about enough xx

Don't beat yourself up. It's such a massive all encompassing life changing experience. It really does feel like one day you are you with all your interests, experience, hopes and dreams and the next you are only a mum, everything else disappears. I'm sure it's particularly hard when you've not been sure about it. In time things will change. I have a 2 year old too and even in the madness of toddlerhood I did get to feel myself back again before I had baby no 2. A friend said to me we are having children not babies or toddlers- they are just stages where they are super dependent on you but it won't be forever. I would say that actually there's a good chance things could improve quite soon as most babies will start having 2 longish naps around 7-8 months and having about 3 hours in 2 decent chunks to yourself is great. Also tell your partner you need time, it's not selfish, it's not demanding, it's fair and right as you are working too!!!! Hoping it gets better for you soon!!

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