Baby daddy wife drama

I’d absolutely let the kids have a relationship.

I’d be on the fence, on one hand I think it would be nice for your baby to know they have siblings, but on the other hand she doesn’t sound like a very nice person 😩 I think I would try and build a relationship there, but I would tread careful and be so cautious until I knew I could trust her

I would definitely try for the kids, but if anything goes wrong it would be cut off again. I wouldn’t let them watch her alone until you build that trust up. Trust your gut mama, you know best for your little

See I would definitely always let the kids have a relationship, I would never ever stand in the way of that 100% but how does that work with her dad? He probably doesn’t even know his wife has messaged me. She definitely isn’t a nice person, 1 of the things me and baby’s dad argued about was the fact I wouldn’t let my baby go and stay at her house because there has been domestic violence on both sides in their relationship (this was literally a few days after she was born and they live 300 miles away from me)

How long has it been since last contact? Maybe she realized her husband ain’t shit and it’s the kids that are most important here. But- “when she’s old enough to decide?” At what age do we let our children make decisions like that? Lol. That’s a teenage decision to me, so contact her in what? 15 years? Idk, I would tread lightly because you don’t know what’s going on in that house. Maybe a text saying, “I’d love Elodie to build a relationship with her father and siblings now, that’s her family.” And see what she says. Does he pay child support at all? I’m surprised if he does and they haven’t tried to go for visitation to lessen the support. If he doesn’t… file. Your baby deserves it

Such a difficult situation especially if they live 300 miles away from you. I’d keep the option open and consider gaining some kind of relationship for the children as your child will likely want to know then in the furture, even if it’s a regular meet up of say every 3-6 months. Just so they can have some kind of bond. The fact you’re the one being treated like this for a married man having an affair isn’t nice at all because he was in the wrong for having the affair, not you. Good luck momma

@Alyson I had the last message from her in September, I blocked her on everything after that but she stalks my tiktok (I don’t post my baby’s face etc on there) Yeah exactly, I will never hide the fact they exist from my girl but at what age would she consider it ok? He actually does pay child support. I asked if he would contribute and got a ton of abuse about ‘using him as a cash cow’ so then I made a claim and he pays it every month but he then said that I could have chosen to have him in her life but I had turned her into a bill so now he definitely can’t have a relationship with her 🤦🏼‍♀️ When she was born I offered to pay his petrol money and for an air bnb so he could come and meet her but he wasn’t interested and then all the financial arguments happened later. I use his money to pay for baby groups and anything else she needs and then I put some in savings for her every month.

@Kathryn thank you, I appreciate that a lot. I’ve been made out to be the monster from all sides since he left me pregnant. I would never have gone anywhere near him if they weren’t separated. I will definitely always do whatever I can to support my girl having a relationship with her family, the ball is completely in their court when it comes to that

Difficult situation OP. Controversial view, but not all children miss out not knowing their siblings/fathers, particularly if they're tools like your littles BD. Wife's behaviour has already proved she can't be trusted with your child the moment she called them ugly. My father is a deadbeat, I don't miss his presence in my life and didn't want anything to do with him probably from the age of 6 when I figured out his behaviours. I had a sibling on his side from a previous relationship and genuinely couldn't care less. My mother loved me enough for the both of them and I'd only met my sister once, there were many years between us and we're all still NC. But, everyone's dynamic is different and I think if they're particularly young you'll generally want them to be involved if the offer is being extended, but for me it would be fully supervised visits or I'd schedule visits at a centre that works with difficult family structures.

Never fall for the married but separated but it’s too late for all that ! They are both scum bags don’t trust them with ur baby ever you’re being too nice and giving too many chances just leave them be continue your life It’s going to be a lot of drama once you step in and clearly based on your choices you have a history of being too understanding don’t do that when it comes to your babies but like she said when she’s old enough like maybe a teenager then yeah but I don’t know how old your baby is now but don’t do anything now

Maybe him and her are falling apart. That’s the only reason why I can see her messaging you.

I don't know. The whole thing seems kind of suspicious to me. Like why all the hate and then all of a sudden THAT? that's too toxic for me. I don't know what kind of BS they will try to brainwash your child with...

i honestly wouldn’t respond. with the way they treated you i wouldn’t want anything to do with it

This makes me sad🥺

She’s messaged you out of the blue either because: - She’s fallen out with her trash of a husband, so she’s trying to spite him, this could be temporary & out of whim or genuine, - She sincerely wants both your children to have a relationship. Personally, I think both her & her husband are horrible & don’t deserve your time of day. He left you at your most vulnerable, she fuelled it by being more jealous wife & less supportive woman. She could have reached out earlier, but didn’t so it’s really up to you to decide whether you trust her actions now. Your children definitely deserve to have a meaningful relationship, but they don’t seem like the type to be mature enough to allow that to happen taking into consideration how they handled the situation before. Again, it’s up to you decide. Definitely be careful though, she’s still with that awful man & the last thing you want is further abuse & to expose your child to that. I’d seek legal advice to be on the safe side.

@Kim that all makes perfect sense to me. My dad wasn’t around and had 2 older daughters that I have never met. I did reach out to them when I was a teenager but they weren’t interested in having a relationship with me. I definitely struggled with that for a while. I had some on and off contact with my dad over the years (they didn’t have a relationship with him either) but nothing much. I last saw him a few days before he died when I was 28 weeks pregnant actually but before that I hadn’t seen him for years. It’s so tough to know what to do for the best, I will try to leave it up to my daughter as much as possible I think. She is a lot younger than her siblings (they are 12 & 8, she is 8 months) so she is definitely the most important thing in this situation

@Lexanna my daughter is only 8 months old. That’s 1 of the reasons I don’t understand why she has reached out now! I do wonder if it because they aren’t getting on and it’s just something to spite him. I would need to do a whole load of digging before I would be happy discussing them meeting my baby

@Jennifer Ramirez this is definitely something that worries me. My baby is currently only 8 months old but their 12 year old has anger issues and they can’t leave the 2 kids alone otherwise she hurts her brother so I definitely wouldn’t be letting my baby go to their house any time soon!

@Tiggy’s Mummy I am wondering if they have fallen out and it is spite too, it wouldn’t surprise me. Either that or it could just be to punish him, I’m sure she probably still is punishing him (rightly so but she also never should have taken him back) I can’t see her wanting our children to have a relationship, she wouldn’t let them talk to or see him when they were separated (which was apparently his main reason for going back) It’s so confusing! I definitely won’t be rushing into anything and will need to do a lot of digging to find out the truth before any conversation goes any further I think

It's sad the way it can go incog, but just know you haven't done anything wrong and it seems like you want what's best for your little one. I think you've got the right approach in that the decision (once baby is older) is primarily that of your daughter's and she will likely thank you for it in the future. My father had another child after me who I did bond with and despite my reaching out to her mother, there's been no efforts on their end to maintain that relationship. It's been many years since I've seen her now and although it hurt at the time, I'm over it now. If they ever reach out, in receptive, but won't go out of my way when realistically we are just strangers with the same blood now. I'd just make sure that she's in a safe environment where she can explore those relationships and then let you know what she makes of them when she's old enough to understand. ☺️

I'd say yes for the kids but I'm also worried at the possibility of the BD and his wife manipulating the child against you, then you'll have to deal with a damaged relationship.

The fact that she encouraged him to stay away from his own child while being a mother is disgusting and 8 whole months nope I can bet money it’s a falling out between them

I’ve not read all the other comments so apologies if this has already been said but if you aren’t open to having public meet ups with the kids, I’d say “she can decide if she’d like to meet them when they’re old enough to have a relationship without you involved”. My partner didn’t meet his brother until they were 19 and 29 and they’re best friends!!

@Lara this is a good idea! I don’t think she will go for it though because she is quite controlling. Their daughter is already 12 though and son is 8 while my girl is only 8 months so it maybe a case of me tracking them down in a few years as they will likely be on social media and will be able to make their own decisions. I just can’t imagine trying to explain to my daughter, oh yeah you can meet your half siblings and their mum but not your dad who lives with them 🤦🏼‍♀️ it definitely wouldn’t make her feel good about herself no matter what way I spin it and I won’t put her through that until she is old enough to fully understand and able to comprehend it

That's for dad to facilitate honestly don't put yourself in the middle of what they have going on, if she truly wants the siblings to have a relationship she would do so much more than a backhanded message. I would write a message to cover my ass, incase it's a ploy to document you obstructing access. That would be nice what are YOU suggesting?