Friend shutting me out

Warning - talk of miscarriage. Hey all, I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant and I'm struggling a lot with dealing with a friend of mine. My friend and I have been friends about 6 years or so, and we have partners who have been friends a very long time. We would do a lot together as a foursome and just before the news of my pregnancy we were all talking and making lots of plans. My friend in question and her partner have been trying for the past couple of years to have a baby, but unfortunately she has experienced, I believe 3 miscarriages over this time. She's talked to me a lot about other people breaking the news to her about pregnancy, and took these notes on board. After my partner and I found out we were pregnant, I decided to meet up with her as just ladies so I could talk to her about it in as sensitive a way as I could. She had mentioned she'd rather people talk to her rather than message btw (I took this on board). After this her partner told me she was really struggling with the news as understandably it has triggered her experiences. We've seen them a couple of times since, which has been awkward and only with others there, but every attempt I've made to try and meet up is rejected for a reason or another. I'm being as sensitive as I can as I can't contemplate that experience fully, but it's also making me feel incredibly depressed. When I got with my partner I moved to where he lives and most of my friends here are guys. She was the only local woman that I'd really socialise with regularly. I'm feeling rejected and alone. I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to help this relationship but it's just depressing and really hurts. Is there any chance she might forgive me for this or is it very much dependent on the person? Thanks all 😓.

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1/2Okay first, congratulations! I hope your pregnancy is progressing well💕 second, I don't think it's fair (on you) to phrase it as her forgiving you. You've done nothing to forgive. I empathise with her fully and this is such a difficult situation, but it sounds like you've done everything right that you could do. You have every right o start a family, and be happy and excited about it. You've done what YOU can do, it's kind of on her now. Hopefully she can process this and you can both work on the friendship again. However, she might not get there. That would suck but, it's not your fault. I unfortunately lost a friendship when I got pregnant because she just couldn't handle it (also had fertility struggles), I was as empathetic and sensitive as I could be but she was incredibly negative and then just stopped making any effort whatsoever. It's shit, but it happens sometimes. I'd say maybe give it a little more time and then reach out to her, see if you can have an honest

2/2 conversation about how you're both feeling and how both of you would like to proceed, it might also be worth asking how she'd like to know about the birth (you don't have an obligation to do this at all, it's your life and your milestone, it just might show her that you value her feelings and your friendship) Try not to give this your whole energy and attention, you're having a baby!! This is exciting, please remember to enjoy this 💖

You haven't walked in her shoes to understand how painful this could be for her. However, having said that you've done nothing wrong so it's up to her now.

@Lauren thank you for the kind advice. I know I can't possibly fathom how it feels, but I just wanted to do my best with what she'd told me. Thanks for the advice on the birth bit, I'll ask her closer to the time. I'll try to leave it be and see if she can face being around me again in the future. I really hope so but I do doubt it'll be anytime soon. Thanks for being understanding

@Sarah I do completely realise this, I was just trying to gain more insight from people that would understand her point of view more than me. I know I can't fathom it at all and it pains me there's nothing I can do to help her 😓. Thank you, I guess only time will tell

@incognito based on my personal experience and how I feel about pregnancy announcements, that was my insight. I struggled to get pregnant initially then lost my second pregnancy two years ago and haven't conceived since. I probably won't now. To look at me in the street, you really wouldn't know. It takes me time to come to terms with it and grieve my loss.

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