in January 2023 Babies 🇬🇧

Stubborn boy

My 27 month old LB is so very stubborn. I know we are at a stage where he wants to do everything himself and that's ok. But we are struggling with things outside the house. Specifically holding our hand when walking. He just wants to walk by himself. We've tried explaining to him about safety, and how he needs to hold our hand to stay safe but he doesn't care. Ive tried holding the boundary by telling him he can either walk holding our hand or he goes in the buggy. This is where he has a massive tantrum, which is so much harder to handle outside the house. I hate going out with him now, we drive most places so we manage but I want him to get used to holding hands it's really hard. If it's someone like a family member that isn't me or his dad he will do it no issue. He is also generally having big emotions when he cannot do what he wants and we are just getting through it all but this is a safety issue and causes me anxiety. We are taking him on holiday in July and I'm worried about walking around with him and him doing this. I think that repeated boundary setting will help, but its having the stomach to do it. As many people point out, whe your child is losing it and everyone is watching it's so hard. Any advice would be helpful.

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Where are yall walking? Like in a store or like in a sidewalk?

Pavement (sidewalk here in the UK) mainly.

We have a firm hold hands near roads and in car parks rule. If my daughter fights it or tries to run away, I’ll hold her and say I’ll pick her up if she doesn’t hold my hand. I’ll give her a chance and if she doesn’t hold my hand I pick her up. I might then give her another chance to go down and hold my hand soon after, if she holds my hand, great, if she doesn’t it’s straight back up again. She screams her head off and is very loud about it, but the way I see it, is that I’d rather deal with screaming now, than a brat in the future. I do hate it when she’s kicking off and people are looking (hate it more when they try talking to her as that makes it worse), but I do my best to keep calm for her and do what I know is best for her. I also remind myself that everyone has been there and they’re most likely relieved it’s not their kid doing it right then. It takes a lot of repetition to see improvement, so don’t think it’s not working just because you haven’t seen a change yet.

@joanna thank you, I needed to hear this. My husband is the same, not caring what others think. That so many parents go through things like this and it means we instil boundaries for the future. I think today was just really bad and I lost it at him a bit and I feel like a terrible mum. He's a great kid. Funny and intelligent. He's curious and wants to help all the time. And i love that he's independent and not clingy or scared. But I'm just feeling a bit inept at the moment. We've decided to do walking training and will do like you suggest. I think i just need to hold the boundary and not care (also hate it when people say stuff...). Thank you so much x

I regularly feel like a terrible mum and feel bad if I don’t keep calm enough when handling a tantrum. My husband reassures me that she needs to see human emotions from me too, and it wouldn’t be normal if I was calm the entire time. I try and see it as taking comfort in my firm boundaries as it’s easy to know what to do. The ones with grey areas are harder as I have to make a decision every time!

@joanna I think i just need to trust myself more. Thanks again xxxx

😂 Ahh. My girl doesn't like holding hands. And we literally walk almost everywhere. She prefers walking on her own. 🤪 Because I don't have a choice, as we have to always walk out, I just resorted to holding her jacket cap whenever we are out. 🫣 That way, she gets the feeling she is walking on her own, while I still have a grip on her. 😑 Honestly, I now understand better why people use the toddlers harness when out and about because these kids be kids. I do think they know when they are outside and deliberately do funny things to test you. Things they necessarily may not even do at home 🤦

If mine doesn’t want to hold hands she says, ‘no, hold own hand’ and then she holds tightly onto her other hand 😂 Unfortunately the picking up thing doesn’t work well for us as she usually wants to be carried more than walking, but putting her in the pram can work as she usually doesn’t want to be in the pram. She is getting better as she seems to understand cars are dangerous/scary so is ok holding hand when cars are around.

I have a very strong willed and independent girl, but like others above I’d rather deal with the kick-off now when she’s small and let her learn that when mum says xyz that’s it. Doesn’t stop me from wanting the ground to swallow me whole when she’s screaming her head off. Also, I get the whole guilt of losing it yourself too. Happens more than I’d like. I always make an effort to say sorry to the kids though and explain it “I’m sorry I shouted at you, I was feeling stressed/overwhelmed/angry etc but I shouldn’t have shouted”. They have to see we’re human and we do make mistakes but we can apologise.

Thank you all, at least I'm not alone. I know i just need to hold the boundary and deal with the tantrum that will occur. Xx

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