I don’t have friends

They just don’t understand our children come first

so a lot of the time i have found that it is different seasons of life. you’re a mom. your focus is on the life you’ve now created, caring for your baby. our friends might not be in that stage of life and don’t fully understand the transition we have taken. maybe our friends are single, without kids, and don’t want kids. that’s probably a big difference from where you are, so it can be hard for some to maintain friendships when outlook on life and free time has changed.

Yeah unfortunately those who don't have kids and don't want any kids will never understand how much of your time is monopolized by your kids. Honestly its her loss....and clearly she was never a real friend to begin with. I have friends with no kids and we may have drifted only because we are on two different paths in life but we still keep in touch and try to hang out whenever we are both free. She understands it takes a lot to be a mom.

Is it possible that they remain in the same place but you drift because your responsibilities, availability, energy and priorities changed drastically? If so, maybe it's temporary until you both can offer a friendship that is mutually fulfilling. We remained engaged with our village but it has taken effort to bring the kids out or commit to activities that are family friendly. It also helps to have a partner who helps schedule adult time. I do know ppl whose entire identity transformed to being a parent, which is completely ok, but realistically required them to leave all other personal interests and friends behind. My husband and I still have a range of hobbies, talents, occupations, and interests that we held onto because they also made us who we are ...and it allows us to connect with ppl who relate. If you feel that the only things relatable for you right now is associated with parenting, then it might just be the season for expanding your network of friends with kids.

@Gina i wish i could keep in touch with her. But I’m always the one reaching out

@Sarah Unfortunately we’ve had some issues previously before I got pregnant. She would hardly ever text me first and would say she’d visit me (we live in different states) but always finds an excuse why she can’t. I’ve visited her and i would text her almost daily. She blamed her anxiety and depression as to why she couldn’t keep up with our friendship. Then I get pregnant, have the baby and I call her excited to tell her the news and she seems happy for me in the moment then disappears. No following up on how I’m recovering. Mind you I had a preemie born at 26wks and spent 3 months in the nicu. You would think she’d be concerned for me and ask how the baby is doing but she did not once!

@Leslie gotcha. This type of fading doesn't sound like it has anything to do with childless friends drifting away. Sounds like your friendship was already strained. If she suffers from anxiety and depression then she may not even have the emotional capacity to uplift you after a stressful child birth (which is what you want when you look for her to verbalize concern). It doesn't mean she wasn't concerned, just that she's not telling you. Do you believe mental health issues are a valid reason for ppl to withdraw, change or feel stretched thin? You'll find your people. They just have to be in the right place physically and emotionally with or without kids.

Tell me about it I totally relate to this I have a friend that has a son but she had her step mom and sad adopt him because she couldn't do the hard stuff like feed him a bottle or the crying or getting up every three hours and I told her your gonna regret not being there for those moments because you don't look at the good moments like when the baby's latch there little hands onto your finger or the breathing thing they do when they are drinking the bottle or when your playful with them while changing there diaper so they don't cry or when they smile in there sleep she literally told me she would rather be a party girl then be a mom she says she loves her son but she never goes to see him she's allowed to see him whenever she likes too but I just don't understand and then when she hangs out with me she gets mad because I won't go outside with her when I'm taking care of my baby like she's more important then my daughter