Issued with porn

You have every right to feel this way. It’s a huge issue and it damages relationships.

Why do you have an issue with it? Do you feel like he isn’t giving you what you need? Do you feel like he is being selfish? There are a lot of questions to ask yourself before you become upset with him. My partner and I openly talk about porn all the time. And not in a weird way. But we talk about what we each like and dislike about what we watch. We sometimes watch it together. I don’t find it weird at all. In fact, the opposite. We use it for educational purposes and it gives us new ideas to try together! On the flip side — I know most people do have issues with their partners watching porn. And that’s totally okay! I would just suggest that before making it an argument, take time to reflect about why you don’t want him watching it.

@Amanda, I am with Amanda! As my husband watches porn also, and in the beginning, I hated the idea of him watching it. Now I could care less and it can give ideas on what positions to try etc..

I feel like regardless of the reason WHY you don't like it, the fact that he's completely dismissing your feelings is a big issue honestly. Some people like it, some people don't, everyone is different and that's okay but it's obviously a clear boundary for you and it sounds like he's absolutely disrespecting that. That's not okay. You're completely valid to have an issue with this but I guess now you have to ask yourself how far does your boundary go. Is this a dealbreaker and if so, are you prepared to give an ultimatum? Or are you happy/willing to look past this in order to stay with him? Personally I wouldn't want to stay with someone who consistently does something (regardless of what it is) knowing full well that it upsets me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've always had a negative relationship with porn, more so it stems of my own opinions and relationship I have with myself and I always feel there's something better to look at. Which is shit because I want to feel that he thinks I'm the best thing to walk the earth. I think because he goes to porn more to sleep pleasure than he does to be intimate with me that's where I struggle.

That makes sense then! If he is automatically going to porn before trying to initiate with you first, then that's an issue! I would just express how you feel! Communication is key in any relationship 😊

Completely get this but he always says that self pleasure to him is out of boredom rather than being horny which to me I would never think of self pleasure this way 🤷🏽‍♀️

Realistically though, whether it's just boredom or not, he can self pleasure without porn 😅 he's not taking your thoughts and feelings into account and that's the main issue here. Have/would you be interesting in taking pictures/videos for him to use instead of porn? Just an example to open up that line of communication for potential compromise. If he's not interested or is adamant he's going to continue to watch porn, despite your feelings, honestly throw the man away, there's no helping that situation 😅

He has photos ultimately they are very out dated and are pre baby, but i actually never thought of this as an option. But I like that as an option it's spicy! 😂 But I agree, whole reason me bringing it to this platform so I could know if I was being over sensitive

Is it effecting your sex life?

We have sex maybe one or two times a month. Seems to have only ever been on his terms, if i tried to initiate or hint about it I got turned down

I am against watching porn because I find it disrespectful watching someone else's body. I mean there's only a limited number of positions to try etc and frankly speaking, men are really looking lusting over another women's body rather than going " hmm I will try that with my woman tonight". Personally, I'm against the idea of porn because when they are doing the deed with you, they might be thinking of porn. Men are very visual and the dark side of porn is an unknown territory no woman should thread if they are uncomfortable. If you have a boundary, stick to it and let your man know. If they overstep that boundary then they don't care about how you feel which is a red flag.

And that's why it's not healthy for relationships. The moment they seek pleasure from porn and not their partners is where it damages relationships.

Mia, I completely agree. I've brought it up and yet again it's turned into an argument. To the point where I've asked if it's an addiction.

@Amanda I agree with you. Wouldn’t bother me. Could be a bonus, he might learn some tricks. Let him be. We all have our quirks.

@Michelle but it clearly bothers Incog?? If it DID bother you, would you be happy for your partner to just ignore your feelings and carry on regardless?

@Mia I agree with you. I think it’s harder for them to get it up with regular sex when they’ve been watching a lot of porn

@Lauren I think it’s wrong to stop your partner doing something he enjoys. It’s the same as your partner asking you not to masturbate.

@Michelle that's absolutely not the same thing - you can masturbate without porn, it's not a necessity. If it is, you've probably got a problem. I personally think it's shitty to continue to do something, whatever that is, if it clearly upsets your partner.

@Lauren we listen, but we don’t judge. I think we all have different opinions and different experiences. You can stop him, but he is going to do it anyways. Wouldn’t batt an eyelid if my partner watched porn. I would be pleasantly surprised. In fact let’s watch together. Happy days

@Michelle what on earth are you on about, I'm not judging anyone 😂 I think you're totally missing the point here. Yes we do all have different opinions and on THIS post, the person posting does not like porn, does not like their partner watching it. Their partner knows this, but continues to do it anyway. Which is an incredibly disrespectful, shitty thing to do. "He is going to do it anyways" yes and that's not a good thing. Why are you saying that as if he isn't accountable for his own actions? That's just giving "men will be men" and I'm sorry, but absolutely the fuck not. You'd be fine with it, love that for you. But you are not Incog, Incog is not you. Incog's partner SHOULD be respecting their feelings and boundaries, but they're not. That's an issue.

@Michelle this is why some men think it's okay to watch porn. No it's not something all women enjoy. If they like porn then they can go find a woman who enjoys it. Incognito does not so he cannot expect her to put up with it because that's a boundary she clearly communicated about. This whole idea about women ok with their partner watching porn is something that should not be normalised. Porn, should not be normalised as you can see it is damaging and clearly divides. If both partners love it, good for them but if one doesn't, that does not mean the one who does not like porn is in the wrong. The one who oversteps the boundary is in the wrong. Porn is not the problem but the partner who justifies watching it when it upsets their partner is the one in the wrong. They need to respect boundaries and most importantly, consider their partner's feelings. If he cannot give up porn for incog then surely it's saying - " hey I love you but I still need to get off to naked ladies" Bizzarre!

@Michelle but honestly we don't need a whole lot of porn to learn some tricks. Sex life is not that difficult to figure out lol. Watching porn at the expense of disrespecting your partner should not be passed off as a quirk as well.

@Mia cheating is disrespectful. Watching porn is a minor.

@Michelle personally, if my partner secretly watches porn even though I said it's a boundary of mine. That's cheating for me.

@Mia if it is an issue, that should have been a deal breaker from the start of the relationship. I personally can’t tolerate smoking. So I would not date a smoker and then expect them to quit. I just wouldn’t start a relationship with a smoker in the first place. This is the beauty of dating, it’s a long job interview to access intolerable behaviours, before things get serious. Freedom people

@Mia gosh, I could my wish my partner was exciting enough to watch porn rather than all the gardening YouTube videos. We are just all so different.

Maybe give him pictures of you or both of you make videos together? He’ll have something of you to look at then if you’re uncomfortable with it being other people he’s watching xx