I need advice . My husband commented about my weight and I am not sure how to react.
Show your support
(2/2) but that’s really all it is. When you are prepared to do so, you will prioritize it. You are an adult, and you set your own priorities, not him. If you do want to say something, I would just tell him that you’re aware It’s something you need to work on, but it’s not for him to decide when you work on it. He needs to respect that decision. There are probably things that you don’t love about him either, but you put up with them because you care about your relationship and you care about him. I think you could also remind him of that without going into detail about what those specific things are, just as a gentle reminder that nobody’s perfect and that you’re just asking for the same grace that you give him for his “imperfections”…. Idk maybe I’m rambling. Hope this helps.
Not cool. Yes, do it for YOU. No one else.
My husband and I have been together for 10 yrs. We have 5kids and he works out of state. I know I’ve gain more weight over the years and he as well because he isn’t home to eat as healthy. He’s made comments on my weight and so have I to him. My husband is probably the only one I feel comfortable mentioning my weight. He’s the one I chose to do life with, he sees me in a way no one else see me. So why would I get upset that he noticed the weight that I know is there. However mentioning it during an argument is wrong. Husbands don’t understand the mental load moms deal with. So while he’s mentioning your weight is he allowing you mental clarity to focus on yourself? Does he do more around the home to lighten the load?
Yes you have to want to do it for you! Not for anyone else. I think for change you have to mentally be ready for it. For myself I’m starting to read self love books 🤍
I'm in your situation right now.. please do it for you and not anyone else. Also dont let anyone be little you or gaslight you..but all together you have to mentally want it for it to work and get back to loving yourself mama! Start with writing on your mirrors 1) I AM STRONG 2) I AM BEAUTIFUL 3) I AM AMAZING 4) I LOVE ME OR MYSELF
Hubby is sometimes making insensitive comments about my weight. I straight up told him to stop that. Yeah it hurts big time and I tell him that. But I lost about 45 lbs this last year and I’m glad I did for my own health.
Let’s be honest this is a catalyst.. kinda like you subconsciously were waiting for the shoe to drop. We see all the time how people have kids and are changed forever.. unless that was your plan for yourself there’s no reason to be upset with him. You were surprised, stunned maybe.. but deep down you probably felt a lot of the emotions you do bc of insecurity. You and your husband’s actual issue is the absence of transparency in your relationship. How often are you honest with eachother about your feelings? You two are a team and all things that impact one of you affects you both. The fact you haven’t felt compelled on your own to change your body perhaps suggests you are just fine with your post baby bod. I bet a lot of ladies only beat themselves up bc they assume their partner doesn’t find them attractive. Get honest with yourself about it first. Then you and your husband should address his saying it and share how that sudden utterance made you feel. Was it just in anger? TALK
Clamming up in a marriage does NOTHING but further isolate.
@Julie I’m confused.. and I’m just saying it to u cause u wrote the most but.. probably the women below me too.. what is it the 50’s when women only spoke to their girls in the sewing circle? Why do y’all not have open communication with your husbands? Where is the shame in you both expressing expectations, concerns, reactions and idk just outlooks period with each other? You gotta be direct with guys they don’t consider hints or silence .. these do not occur to them as a problem; they love being left alone! The absence of dialogue and presumption on both sides is odd.
@Knadia oh, personally, I did tell my husband it was really none of his business and he needed to stop saying it. My response here was based on the fact that she specifically doesn’t know where to start with the conversation and that she doesn’t know how to feel about it herself. I was explaining how I resolved my own feelings before I had a conversation with him. Edit - I feel like, in re-reading my comment, I did encourage direct communication? But I don’t think it’s constructive to just walk into a conversation blindly before she has resolved her own feelings.
There is a woman on Facebook reels and TikTok who has the best comeback for a comment like that. She basically lets a boy (who had the gall to say if his wife let herself go after giving birth, he would leave her 🤬) know that he should be more supportive, why, and if he can’t then he has no business being a husband or parent.
I personally know very few women who look like they did before having one child, much less multiple children. It has a lot to do with hormones and genetics than people seem to realize. I am one of those who can diet and exercise and do everything most would say is right, and it still wouldn’t be enough. And if you don’t have a good support system, then it’s definitely a waste. It’s not so much changing your body as it should be changing your view of yourself. My SO is supportive. He doesn’t put me down for my weight, he tries to build me up. I tell him I need to lose weight and he says it’s my decision and if I decide to try, not to lose too much. He loves the fluffy. 😂😂😂 But communication is key. If you can’t communicate civilly, you can try a mediator. When I first got with my SO, I would write him letters to tell him how I was feeling and then we would talk. A little old fashioned, but I couldn’t put my thoughts into words when speaking, so it worked for us.
You will have to find a way to speak to your husband about the situation. If you decide that it’s something you want to change, he needs to be supportive in a positive way. Hurting your feelings is not what’s needed. It actually makes the situation worse.
☹️ this is a hard one to come back from, but the only thing you can do in the situation is control your internal response. My husband made a comment about how my arms were looking a little chubby, and I looked like I had gained weight because I stopped running and working out after an injury. It was a 20 second comment five years ago, and I will never forget it. The thing that helped me get past this was, reminding myself that this is really a “him” problem, and not a “me” problem. Of course I knew I had gained weight. Of course, I was aware that my arms weren’t fitting into my shirts the way they used to. I knew it was something I needed to work on, but I needed to prioritize other things first. Mental health, my career, caring for my family - these are all really hard things that I work on all the time that just don’t physically show. It’s disappointing that he can’t see how hard the rest of these things are for you, and that you can only solve so many problems at once. (1/2)