in Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

Sex with a new man

So I haven’t had sex in well over 2 years (since pregnancy) and I was seeing a guy earlier this year that I was really into but the thought of sex was a huge no for me as I can’t imagine it with my postpartum body. I stopped seeing him. I have a c section pouch. Bigger nipples. I just don’t recognise myself. Absolutely nothing wrong with my body and I look great but it’s still so new to me and I just can’t imagine it now being sexy to someone else. I’ve now met someone and it’s really all about sex. This guy just wants to have sex. And I’m at the point now where I also just really want to have sex. And I’m seeing him this weekend and I was just trying underwear on there and again looked at my body and just don’t know how another man (after kid’s dad) can be attracted to me. Now this is complete bullshit because there are so many of you that will have been through similar and met someone else but I’m genuinely crushed at the pouch on my belly and don’t know how to get intimate with someone.

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I mentioned I have the scar and he said he wasn’t worried about that… but I just- i can’t imagine being sexy. To my baby’s dad yes if we were still together. But to another man - my scar is a reminder of what I’ve been through with someone else ??

I can guarantee you that he doesn’t look at you as “the woman whose body changed because another man got her pregnant.” He looks at it as, “this woman is my type.” Every one has a type. If he is actively persuing you, you’re his type. He knows you’re a mom, and if he has any education after the 6th grade he would know women’s bodies change during pregnancy. Let go and have some fun. It may be the best sex you ever had in your life! You won’t know until you try. Get that confidence and do your thing! ❤️

Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. I suppose it’s almost 3 years really since I’ve been intimate with anyone. I also haven’t had a wax because I don’t bother anymore so that will also be weird to me. And it’s too late now!! And I’m going to be worried it feels different. It’s funny because three years ago i used to be worried about what i looked like so don’t think I can ever win x

I think the mindset that this new guy doesn’t know what you looked like before pregnancy so what hes seeing now is all he knows and if hes pursuing you then he must find you attractive regardless of whats changed because he wont know any different x i was the same when i first started dating again i hadn’t been with anyone for years and i was just worried about it feeling different and my body not being the same but im with my new partner now and he makes me feel so attractive and loves everything about me, is there a chance youre just overthinking it as a way to prep just incase? I hope it goes really well whenever you decide to take the next step x

I was a single mom of two for years before the relationship I’m in now and many of the “situations” I entertained were definitely focused on sex, from both sides. I didn’t have the bandwidth or trust for relationships. That said, I have stretch marks, a pooch that no matter how small I am (like barely 100 lbs) is just there from kids, my boobs are nice but definitely not what they were. No one gave a hoot. My partner DEFINITELY does not and we’re now having our first child together. Take your time and be patient with yourself, but trust me, men will still find you sexy. And that actually helped me stop picking my own body apart personally. Good luck!

Only you can compare yourself to the you before. Anyone you meet going forward will only know this version of you and they clearly find this version of you attractive. But I feel you completely. I do not feel ok in my own skin anymore. I don’t feel comfortable being intimate with my husband and I’m now incredibly self conscious about my body. It doesn’t help that I can feel the pain and numbness as a constant reminder. It severely messed me up mentally. But my husband has been incredibly compassionate and loving and reassuring. It’s ok to not feel ok. But try to get out of your head a little bit and give someone a chance.