VENT: (no advice needed) I’m so not proud of how I’ve been today.
I’m so disappointed in myself. Today has been just too much. I’m entirely overstimulated & overwhelmed.
It’s truly unnerving realizing how much your own parents fucked you up.
I have bpd & autism, (I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until 23) so there’s some c-ptsd thrown in for good measure. Even when I thought I was in a stable place before deciding to have my son, a lot is resurfacing and I am sounding like my mother when I get anxious and my anxiety quickly turns to anger because that’s what I was immersed in growing up, my entire life.
I don’t want to ruin my son.
I don’t want to scare my son.
I want to be good.
I thought I was. I thought things would just keep getting better. But it feels like I’m doing nothing but regressing.
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@Nicole I just know my son deserves so much better than I’m capable of being sometimes. And I hate it. And I dunno what to do. When I try to take supplements and meds like doctors say, they start working but my schedule gets entirely fucked with because I have a toddler who’s growing and changing everyday, so like they aren’t actually helpful anymore it’s just causing more tiredness and more issues Sorry I guess the vent is wasn’t done Hahahaha i do appreciate knowing I’m not alone 🫶🏼🫂
Please message me you have no clue how much I understand the mom guilt is real and it’s unbareable sometimes
Please don’t be so hard on your self this is not easy
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Give yourself grace mama. This is HARD!! That you care and are worried means you’re doing better already. Having a rough day over here too so even though it may not be the same, I get it. Overstimulated and overwhelmed and snapping at my oldest and partner and so much crying and rocking I’m tapped out! Hang in there, we can do this one minute at a time (telling myself too) ❤️