Emotional

I don't know why I'm posting. Maybe just writing this to use it as a forum to vent. I'm a solo mum, I chose to keep my baby, and I love her implicitly. Finding out I was pregnant, my partner of ten years reacted really badly. He removed me from the companies we built and told me to get an abortion. I had always been told I would never get pregnant by medical professionals, so we were intimate without protection for years until I surprisingly became pregnant. I couldn't go through with the abortion. I lost everything. My community, friends, and my stable income. I feel so sad, yet she makes me feel joy, too. It's emotionally a whirlwind, and I feel guilty when I do feel like crying. My ex has made it so difficult, I feel he has zapped the joy out of my pregnancy, and now these months with my little girl. I try to stay present, but I have no idea how I am going to make everything work. My whole career is gone. My supportive network, etc. I'm trying to build a network again, but I feel no one can relate. I often stop myself crying and sometimes I feel I made the wrong decision, but then I look at her and know she is everything to me. I feel I want to run away and start again like she would be better without me. I try to get him to see her but it's proving difficult and that in itself is so hard. On Sundays we swim and I am the only person who attends alone. Everyone else has their partner or both the parents attend. I just feel so lonely and that I'm doing everything wrong. I feel a new family for her would be better.

Show your support

Personally you sound like an incredible woman 🩷 how brave of you to make that choice and follow through with it. I would definitely reach out to your health visitor and find out what help is available to you, there will be plenty. Whilst not the same in the slightest, my partner works very long hours and runs a company so I am solo parenting 90% of the time. I’m often alone at groups and swimming at the weekend and I’m always the only person on my own. It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong at all, but don’t be afraid to ask for help 🩷

I completely understand how you feel. I am a solo mum by choice, his dad didn’t want him but I chose to continue the pregnancy and do it alone. It is extremely hard and lonely sometimes. He has never met him or seen a picture of him. We also swim alone while everyone has their partners there watching, I also go to a lot of things alone with him like the aquarium etc. I can’t really offer much advice but I do feel the same and you’re not alone. Feel free to message x

I just wanted to say how much I admire you and your courage to decide to have your little girl solo 💛 you are a massive proof that mamas are absolutely invincible.. I can only imagine how hard it must be when she is still so little and you've lost so much of your safety, stability, network, support etc. 🥲 sending you the biggest embracing hug and if I could help in any way please message me 💛

I honestly do not feel brave or feel it was courage. I feel selfish that I made this decision to keep her yet I'm not providing her with the best life. I'm 35 and felt this may be my only chance but in reality was it selfish to bring a little life into this world knowing she's not loved by her fathers family or even acknowledged she is here.

I really appreciate your comments. I really do. I just feel she may be happy with a family that's complete and stable. I know families come in all forms. I just feel I'm not enough for her

You sound incredibly strong and brave and your ex partner sounds like a truly horrible person. I know it may be difficult to think like this currently but thank god he finally showed you his true colours so that you don’t need to waste a second longer with him. Can you elaborate on what you mean by him removing you from the companies you built? Is this legal? Citizens Advice Bureau should be able to provide you with any advice and you should also reach out to your family/your health visitor/gp for support too. You’re doing your best for you little one and honestly family is not about how many people we have around us necessarily as long as the people that are there show up/give us love. I’d maybe rethink pushing your LO to spend any time with the father/his family as it sounds like they don’t deserve her or you!

I promise you it will be worth it in the end. It feels tough now but the love just grows and you will forget about these hard times. The love from a child is like nothing else in this world. His loss and forever your gain. You will get through this period. We as women forget how strong we are, and there is nothing we cannot achieve with or without a man. Please don’t base your future on the feelings now when you are still postpartum. When you say you feel she may be happy with a family complete and stable - that’s wrong, she will be happy to have her mum who loves her and in return will give you a life of love in abundance. I’m praying for you and sending you strength and love 💞💞💞

@Laura I stupidly accepted a settlement. Originally I had to get a solicitor involved as he had not paid me for the work I had done, when getting her involved he then emailed saying he wanted to be the best father he could be. When I met with him after he consolidated me and apologised transferring money into my account, and I agreed to accept a 10k less offer than the solicitor requested and 40k less than what I may have got if we proceeded to go to court. Unfortunately two weeks after he then said I only transferred you the money because you brought me a watch for my birthday that's to pay for that and the money agreed in the settlement has quiet frankly gone after the fact I had to claim MA and buy all the baby items.

He has not contributed or brought anything for her since her arrival. He did start by coming every day after her birth but after he made moves on me by trying to touch my breasts when I was breast feeding which I told him no three times...he then stopped coming. Reducing his visits until now maybe he sees her for an hour a week.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, he sounds so awful. Was the settlement agreed in writing? If not there still might be scope to challenge this. I’d also look into getting a solicitor involved for him to make child maintenance payments as this is entirely separate to any money he’s already given you 💜

@Laura it was agreed in writing unfortunately. I did so because I really wanted him to be in the child's life so didn't want any bad blood. The thing is, he isn't receiving that much in wages as he is smart. Even if I were to claim it would be a lengthy process and I know that a lot of the financial profit are hidden. He is smart like that. During the separation I also found out he was having sex with someone who I thought was my best friend. Her behaviour had changed towards me and I always wondered why, they both gas lighted me for ages to the point I honestly thought I was going crazy. There is so much to this story. I feel I just want a fresh start somewhere new where no one knows me.

I just want to say as someone who was raised by a single teenage mum - you are 100% enough and one day your little girl will look at you and know that you were a superhero bringing her up by yourself even more so if she becomes a parent herself. I’ve never felt that I needed another parent or lacked anything in my child or adult life as I felt nothing but love every day from my mum. There may be times coming up which are hard but keep going, put yourself and your daughter first and give and get the joy from her. You’re doing amazing x

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌