Struggling to share LO with MIL

Please no judgement, i already feel awful for feeling this way but Im struggling to share my LO (she's only 6 weeks) with my MIL, I hate seeing her hold my LO and dread seeing her. I don't feel this way with anyone else. Me and my MIL had a really good relationship before i got pregnant. However, as soon as i got pregnant, she completely changed. I had a lot of issues with her being incredibly intrusive and obsessive. It got to the point where I was suffering mentally and having panic attacks because of how intense it was. Despite trying to talk to her about it, she never changed. If anything, it just got worse. In the end, we had to put some pretty firm boundaries in place, and to be fair to her, after a period of adjustment, she's mostly respected them. However, the problem is that I'm stuggling to get over it. I want my MIL and LO to have a good relationship as she's not a bad person, but the way she was when I was pregnant did cause damage. I now dread seeing her. We have plans with her tonight, and I was honestly having nightmares last night. How can I get past it? She's respecting our boundaries, and I can see that she's really trying. I feel like I'm an awful person being this way, but I can't help it!

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If trust was broken between you two it will take more than 6 weeks to heal. Don't pressure yourself to forgive someone quickly just because they are family x

You are not an awful person, your feelings are valid and no one can expect you to just forget how badly you felt during pregnancy it really does affect us xx

I’m no contact with my in laws as they constantly disrespected me and my boundaries. They were awful really! I remember that feeling of dread before seeing them. I hope it goes ok this evening for you. Sounds like yours are respecting your boundaries now which is good :-)

This evening did not go well! We've firmly asked that no one kiss the baby (pretty common) and she kissed LO 4 times, quickly in a row before I could stop her. I didn't want to cause a scene in the restaurant, so I just took LO and left and messaged MIL after to explain that I was livid and that it would be best to cancel any future plans until LO has had all her vaccinations seeing as MIL cannot respect the boundaries we put in place to keep LO safe. She's seen the message but I've not had a response yet. I know what she's like though and she'll just play the victim so I'm tempted to just block her and go no contact for the time being

Oooh she sounds like a narcissist like my MIL-always playing the victim. There’s a group on here that’s quite supportive called “my mother in law said what?” https://www.peanut-app.io/share/VjTyoICKSOb

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